Let me know when you feel it
by SVusSlave
Summary: Takes place right after 14x22 Poisoned Motive. Amanda thought they'd stay forever together.. What happens when Olivia puts the job first once more? WIll Amanda be able to forgive her? Αnd if she does, what happens next? ROLIVIA all the way! STORY better than summary please give it a try :) LAST CHAPTER IS UP :)
1. Chapter 1

**PLEASE READ! Hey guys.. This is my first Rolivia fanfic and my second ever. English is not my mother tongue so please be patient and kind with me. Besides no one forces you to read it.. Enjoy :) Reviews will be a great motive for me to continue so please review :)**

"How's your arm doing?" Olivia asked the young blonde standing next to her.

Amanda didn't answer. She kept her eyes on her partner. She had come all the way from her apartment when she learned Fin went in that house unarmed, she took a bullet for him and God she cared about him, but he didn't seem to be in any mood to talk to her. She slowly moved her eyes and stared at Olivia's chocolate ones. Those eyes... She could swear there was one special feeling she felt every time she looked at those eyes.

"Hurts but I'm gonna live" She returned to Olivia. Olivia gave her a sympathetic smile. She couldn't help but wondering if and what happened between her and Fin but she wasn't going to ask and get involved in their partnership. Besides if Amanda wanted to share it she would.

"Come on, let me drive you home. You gotta rest."

She patted her back and leaded her to the car. Amanda shuddered at Olivia's touch but kept walking. The truth was, she hadn't been in a relationship with a guy in a long time, but she didn't want to either. The past year she could only imagine herself being with Olivia. Even dreaming of things they could do together if they were a couple. But that could never happen, because Olivia's not a lesbian, right? And even if she was there was their job that could be risked by their relationship, right?

"What?" Olivia asked Amanda. Amanda widened her eyes in question.

"What do you mean?" She answered back still wondering what Olivia's what could have been for. Was she thinking out loud?

Olivia parked the car and took the keys off.

"You've been staring at me since we got in this car. Am I getting that old that you noticed?" She said as she got out of the car. She moved to Amanda's side to help her out. Once she opened her door their eyes met again. Amanda had a hard time struggling not to get lost in them.

"Oh sorry I didn't mean to… No, no of course not Liv you're still so damn beautiful and sexy." Soon enough she realized what she'd just said… "I mean…" Olivia smiled and gave her a careful hug so as not to hurt her.

"Thank you Ams. Nobody had told me that in a long time. Almost forgot that I am a woman."

Amanda half-smiled, with this baby face of hers.

_"She's damn cute." _Olivia thought to herself ... She didn't really like Amanda when she first came to SVU, but you can't judge a book by its cover. Although Amanda's cover was one of the best she had ever seen. She started hanging around with her after a case and God knows she didn't regret it for a single minute.

"I uh… I gotta go back to work but I'm probably coming to check on you afterwards."

"You really don't have to I'll be fine." Amanda said. It's not that she didn't want Olivia to come, hell she did! But Olivia probably had someone who'd wait to see her all day, a boyfriend maybe. And she didn't want to delay that person's chance to see her. Because she knew how hard it was, wanting to see Olivia but had to wait a few more hours.

Olivia came a little bit closer and kissed her forehead. "I know I don't have to. Go inside take some rest. I'll see you tonight."

Amanda stayed there in the cold. She only got in her apartment after Olivia disappeared in the long city roads…

* * *

She woke up from the vibration of her phone. She looked at the screen and smiled widely as she saw who the caller was.

"Rollins" She answered, pretending she didn't notice the name.

"Hey Amanda it's me. I'm on my way to your apartment. I just wanted to check if you're in the mood or is it too late…" Amanda checked her watch. It was past midnight, late for some people but never late for Olivia to come over.

"No, no it's okay Liv, I mean if you are not tired you can come over."

Olivia mumbled something that Amanda didn't clearly hear as she got off the phone. It was probably something like I'm almost there. She quickly tidied her apartment and brushed her hair.

Soon there was a knock on her door. She took a deep breath and opened it. She was stunned to see her favorite detective on the other side of the door looking so hot even after a long work day. Olivia was amazed too to see the younger blonde in her cute, light pink tank top and shorts, which she supposed were her pajamas. She felt weird. For a moment she couldn't take her eyes off her long shaved legs, her clear skin. She slowly and discreetly moved her eyes up to her body stopping at the sling that was n her arm.

"Come on in." Olivia waited no more as she stepped in the apartment. "Want me to bring you something to drink? I have red wine, vodka, beer…"

"I m gonna need to drive later on so, no thanks." She replied. Amanda brought herself a small glass of vodka and sat n her couch next to Olivia.

"How was your day?" She asked, taking a big sip of her vodka. Olivia smiled at the sound of her neck as she swallowed it.

"Tiring you know we had all this paperwork from Gloria's case and then console Fin. He felt bad for treating you like that earlier today so… yeah pretty much that's how my day went off… What about yours?"

"Slept." She said and smiled. Olivia let out a small laugh. That was it. The smallest yet the greatest think and excuse she needed.

After chatting a little more she couldn't take it. She let her glass on the table and stood up. She walked across the room and stopped in front of the French door and stared outside. This took Olivia by surprise. She followed the blonde and stood right behind her resting a hand on her shoulder.

"What is it Ams?" She asked in a soft tone. Amanda turned her face at Olivia's direction and stared directly n those eyes she loved so much. Olivia could see her blue ones were covered with tears threatening to fall. Amanda stared at the ground for a while, and then looked back at the woman who had stolen her heart, her sleep, her dreams, her everything…

"You may hate me after this but I just have to…" She finally spoke as one tear rolled down her cheek. She gave no time to Olivia as she pressed her lips against hers, waiting for her reaction. She was expecting more of a slap or a push, if anything Olivia opened her mouth allowing Amanda's tongue to have access in it. They let their tongues dance together for a while. Olivia cupped Amanda's cheek with her hand as she moved her body closer to hers. She moved her other hand and caressed all the way from her back to her ass. She stopped there caressing the soft skin that was exposed from Amanda's shorts.

Amanda had a hard time believing what was happening. She felt Olivia's heavy breath hitting her collar bone as Olivia's mouth made its way there to gently lick and suck it, carefully, never touching her hurt arm. She let out a soft moan. She managed to put herself together and decided to stop this, although Olivia had made no move to get under her clothes. She didn't know if this would end in a moment or would be continued till the end. And no matter how badly she wanted Olivia it couldn't happen at that moment.

"Liv, stop…please." She murmured between moans. Olivia moved her lips and pressed another soft kiss on Amanda's.

"I could never hate you." She answered. She then, took Amanda's hands in hers. "And I'm glad you made that move. I want this Ams. I want us…"

Amanda finally let all her tears fall. She couldn't believe what Olivia had just told her. She waited an entire year, just watching her, hiding her desires and now there she was… saying she wanted "her" and "her" to be an "us". They moved to the couch and snuggled together. She didn't speak again that night. Olivia waited for her to fall asleep and then she quietly left. Both of them wondering how things would be tomorrow…..


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello people :) Thank you for your great reviews here is the second part. I wrote it quickly. Next one is gonna be better I promise! Thank you for your reviews they really encourage me! Please keep reviewing and suggesting ideas for the story ! Have a nice day. ENJOY :)**

Next morning Amanda got to work a little late. She had to go to the hospital to get her arm checked. Doctor told her she'd be able to go back to chasing perps next week, so till then she was stuck with paperwork. But she didn't care. At the moment all she wanted was be with Olivia.

She walked n the precinct and searched for Olivia with her eyes. And there she was, on her desk looking through some files. Her hair down her shoulders, her right hand supporting her head. Just above her head was Nick, probably looking at that file she was holding. She watched her quietly as she walked to her desk, not knowing what she should do, how to react.

Once Olivia saw Amanda she passed the file to Nick and moved toward her. She sat on Amanda's desk and gently kissed her lips.

"Good morning Ams" She said. Amanda smiled at her but didn't answer. She was surprised by Olivia's move in front of everybody. She could feel everybody's eyes on them. She wasn't ashamed of what she felt for that woman but she knew not everybody would understand. Besides it was only last night these to women decided to start something and Amanda wasn't even sure if want happened last night would be continued.

"Wow girls, what's going on here?" Nick asked. Olivia got behind Amanda and rested her hands on her new girlfriend's shoulders.

"Well, we're not sure yet… But we said we'd give it a try." Olivia answered.

Amanda was more of SVU's little child. She was clever, great on doing her job, but sometimes everybody treated her like their younger sister. Of course she was the youngest maybe that's why.

She didn't talk, she just bit her lip and let Olivia talk for them. She focused on Nick's reaction. You could tell he was surprised just like Fin and Munch. Cragen wasn't there. _That would have been embarrassed._ She thought to herself.

"Wow you mean you two, together? Like in a relationship or something?" He asked again.

"Not or something Nick. In a relationship." Olivia answered again, getting impatient with her partners curiosity.

"Well that's great news girls. Congratulations!" He said. He sounded excited. He was excited. Nick was one of the guys who wouldn't pretend he liked something if he didn't truly like it.

The other detectives got up and congratulated them. Soon enough they started asking questions and talking for relationships. Amanda didn't speak at all. She let Olivia do all the talking. She was happy that she was with her and that was all that mattered at that moment. She wanted to be with that woman and spend her life with her. All the love she felt for her, she wondered if Olivia loved her half as much as she loved her. But it was too early for her to find out.

Cragen's arrival brought the end of the conversation. Nobody talked about Olivia's and Amanda's relationship to him. Maybe it wasn't too soon for their friends to find out, but for captain, it surely was.

"We got a victim. She's at Mercy hospital, was found earlier today in an alley. Nick, Liv go." He shouted, he then noticed Amanda being there. "Rollins, what are you doing here. I told you, you can stay home till your doctor says you can come back."

She sighed. "Yeah captain I know but that's not until next week and I can't just stay home."

"Yes you can, move it. That's an order Rollins go home, take some rest. We want you back as soon as possible, but healthy." He didn't need to speak again. Amanda let out a louder sight and grabbed her bag.

"Amanda let me drive you." Fin offered. He looked at Cragen who gave him the okay and then helped his partner with her coat and bag.

A few minutes later Fin parked in front of Amanda's apartment building.

"Amanda I wanted to apologize for yesterday, I was being an ass I know…" Amanda hugged him before he had the chance to finish his sentence.

"It's okay Fin." She said. She smiled at him, this cute baby smile everybody loved. She quickly got out of the car and moved to her apartment. As soon as she got in her phone's vibrated. It was a message from Olivia.

"_I'll come by once we're done here. Find a movie I'll bring Chinese. See you tonight!"_

Amanda found herself smiling at her phone's screen. This was awesome and it was true. It wasn't in her head. She was really dating with Olivia Benson. Her dream woman;

"Okay Amanda you have to concentrate." She said to herself. She messaged her back.

"_Okay Liv. I love you." _

Was it too soon to say I love you? She didn't care. If that's the way she felt, nobody could tell her it was too early.

* * *

"You did rape that girl. Just say it! You asked her out at the prom, she rejected you and you couldn't take that a girl like Annie would reject someone rich and important like you so you raped her!" Olivia screamed as she tossed the pictures from Annie's injuries on the table that was in the interview room.

The entire day they were looking for the guy who raped their victim. They found him, Louis White, a schoolmate of the victim's. For the last four hours Olivia was trying her best to get his confession. She just wanted to get it over with and go home with Amanda. She had called her about two hours ago and told her she'd be there in a few minutes, but her job wasn't done and it's not like Olivia to leave her job undone.

She stood with her back against the wall. She squeezed the bridge of her nose and looked at their suspect who had a stupid smirk on his face.

"I want my lawyer." He said. Olivia hit her fist on the wall and left the room. She pushed her hair back and went over to her desk to take her purse. Fin was still there.

"He didn't confess did he?" He asked. Olivia shook her head no.

"We're gonna have to wait for the DNA that was found on her, he can't claim it was consensual, the wounds all around her are too much even if she liked it rough. I'm gonna make this smirk disappear from his face Fin."

Fin could tell she had a lot for today. He patted her shoulder and tidied her desk quickly.

"Go home Liv, be with Amanda if that's what's gonna calm you. There's always tomorrow."

Olivia just nodded. She left the squad room as fast as she could. She couldn't wait to get out of it. It seemed like a really long day for her, and thinking of Amanda wasn't helping at all. She got in her car and drove away from the precinct…. Every inch of the road she'd cross was an inch closer to Amanda…

* * *

Amanda dragged herself to her door to open it. She opened it and was glad to see Olivia.

"I was pretty sure you wouldn't come." She said and kissed her lips. Olivia didn't let her pull away. She held her head with her hand and deepened the kiss with her tongue. She only broke away when her lungs begged her for air.

"I told you I'd come so here I am, and I've missed you." She closed the door behind hair and move to the living room. Amanda stayed there and watched her taking off her coat. She smiled and licked her lips, those lips Olivia had just kissed.

"It's just, if it's okay with you I'm pretty tired, can we cancel the movie thing and go straight to bed?" She asked taking a sip of the water she had just filled her glass with.

Amanda widened her eyes.

"You mean you're sleeping here?"

Olivia let the glass back on the counter took off her shirt and stayed with the tank top she was wearing underneath. She approached Amanda again and kissed her hands.

"If you want me too, I was planning on that…" She said and smiled to the blonde. Amanda could smell her perfume, after chasing perps the entire day that perfume was still there. And it was perfect, just like Olivia. It was now her turn to kiss her. She kissed her bottom lip and gently bit it. She then licked her upper lip before ending up kissing them both.

"Come on, the bedroom's here…" She muttered. It was the first night since she moved to New York city that she enjoyed night sleep that much…Lost in Olivia's warm embrace.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys and thank you from the bottom of my heart for your reviews :) make me so happy and keeps me on writting :) This is the next chapter ! Please review if you liked and even if you dont let me kindly know what should I change! Thank you! Enjoy**

**Five months later…**

Olivia's and Amanda's relationship was going just great the past five months. Amanda was so happy she got to spend more and more time with Olivia as time passed. She'd moved with her at Amanda's place after their second month anniversary. They both had taken their relationship seriously. Olivia was also trying for this relationship. In fact she was the one who suggested moving together. She wanted to be with Amanda, start a family with her. Maybe this wasn't every woman's dream but for her it was enough.

It was past midnight when Olivia and Amanda came back from work. They had a hard case with a pedophile teacher who had raped over thirty children. Both women were distracted by this case, but it had affected Amanda way more than Olivia. She wasn't that used to this kind of cases.

They walked in the apartment in silence and dropped their coats n the couch. Olivia could see Amanda was strung up. She was also holding a folder in her hand.

"What's this Amanda?" she asked, making an attempt to take it.

"That's not for you to find out yet." She murmured and kissed her lips as she put the envelope back in her bag.

"Is it something I should worry about?" She asked again. Ever since they got together Amanda had never hide anything from her, what could this envelope be about that she couldn't know just yet?

"No Liv, calm down, you'll know soon honey I promise." She smiled at her.

Olivia smiled back and grabbed her hand and moved her to their bed. She knew Amanda would let her know what this was about sooner or later. She climbed on her and started massaging her shoulders, her back. She slid her hand underneath her blouse and ran it through the soft skin of her back. Amanda let out a soft moan at her girlfriend's touch. Olivia lifted the blouse over Amanda's head and tossed it to the floor. She placed soft kisses on her back. She unclipped her bra and licked the part of her skin that was hidden under the fabric.

"God Liv don't do this to me. I'm so tired." She murmured with her face hidden n the pillow. She knew that if Olivia would continue those acts she'd soon be turned on for good. Olivia made Amanda turn, now her face facing her. She completely removed the bra from her.

"Let me take care of you tonight Ams." She said before forcing her tongue in her mouth. Amanda wrapped her hand around Olivia's neck and tangled her fingers with her hair. She brought her face a little closer to hers. Olivia soon broke the kiss and moved her lips to Amanda's jawline. She licked and kissed all the way to her collarbone.

"Mmm, oh Liv." Amanda uttered. She really loved it when they were making love. She loved touching and being touched by Olivia. It was the best feeling she had ever felt. It was never just sex, it was passionate love. Even if sometimes got a little rougher it still was full of feelings for each other.

She unzipped Amanda's pants and removed them along with her panties, never stop kissing her all over the neck. She moved to her breasts and starting sucking her one nipple as she ran her finger through the other one. She felt it harden at her touch. Amanda would let out some moans letting Liv know she was doing it great.

She held Amanda's hands as she moved her mouth down. She licked her inner thighs and stopped at her vagina. She started sucking and licking her clit, tasting her. She could taste her juices in her mouth. She could feel the warmth from between her legs.

"God Olivia, faster please…" She screamed. Olivia let her hands go and put two fingers in the blonde's vagina. Still licking her clit she moved them fast. She could feel her inner walls clench around her fingers but she didn't stop. Amanda's entire body started moving and pressed Olivia's head deeper n her as her orgasm hit her. She moved up and gave her a sweet kiss before turning the light off.

"Goodnight baby." She told her. She put her hand around her back bringing her closer to her chest.

"Goodnight Liv." She answered back, resting her head on Olivia's chest. She could hear her heartbeat. It was the best sound she had ever heard in her entire life, along with one she had heard earlier that day…..

* * *

Amanda had her eyes wide open at the sound of her alarm clock. She turned it off only to see the time. 9:00 am. _"Nine? It was supposed to ring at 7:00" _She thought to herself.

"Come on Liv alarm's broken, we gotta get up." She said and turned her head to Olivia's side of the bed. But once she did this she noticed Olivia wasn't there. She quickly opened the drawer, Olivia's badge and gun weren't there either.

"What is this some kind of prank?" She muttered and jumped out of bed. After looking for her in the rest of the house she assumed she was already at work what she couldn't understand was why did she change the time at her alarm clock.

She got dressed and decided to let her hair free. She called Olivia to let her know she's coming.

_"…The number you called does not exist." _The woman n the other line said.

"Okay that's really weird." She said again. She grabbed her back and left the apartment in a rush. She got in the car and drove as fast as she could. The faster she got at the precinct the sooner she'd solve this entirely weird thing. Of course it was nothing, maybe something happened to Olivia's cell on her way to work, something she couldn't think of at that moment because she was upset.

She ran into the precinct and saw everybody except Olivia.

"Anyone saw Liv?" She shouted. Fin shook his head no. Nick approached her though.

"Amanda calm down…" He told her and put his hands on her shoulders… She got even more worried.

"Don't tell me to calm down I woke up and she wasn't there and I called her and it said something like the number does not exist? What is happening? Where's Cragen." She shouted even louder.

"Amanda, Captain is with the FBI agents taking care of the last details…" He said in a soft tone.

"Details of what?" She asked back, her voice broke a little. She wiped the tears that threatened to fall away but new ones got their place soon.

"Nick, she doesn't know." Munch told him. Nick let out a heavy sight as he approached Amanda. He tried to hug her but she pushed him back.

"Where is she Nick?" She felt dizzy and supported herself by putting her hand on the desk.

"She had uh… She had to go back undercover with the FBI." He told her never making eye contact.

Amanda's tears streamed down her face as soon as the words escaped his mouth. She ran to the nearest bin and emptied her stomach. Fin ran over to her before anyone else could and rubbed her back.

"You gotta calm down Amanda …" He whispered to her.

"No, No Fin you don't get it! She can't just leave me. "She said and wiped her mouth with her sleeve before she continued. " She asked for this, she wanted this and I did it for her, how could she just leave me like that?" Just then Cragen walked it, but she didn't care. She didn't calm down nor did she care about his appearance in the room.

Fin was getting worried, Amanda was screaming, and if she didn't calm down soon she would have a panic attack. She had her hand rested n her abdomen and was breathing heavily.

"Asked for what Amanda…" With his question her cry became more intense.

"I'm pregnant Fin! I'm five weeks pregnant for God's sake. She wanted a child so badly and I impregnated myself for her. It was my present for our six months anniversary next week… She can't let me do this alone, she just can't" Her intense sobs prevented her for breathing right. She fell on Fin's arms and continued crying. Everybody was surprised to hear what she had just said especially Cragen who by that time knew nothing about their relationship. Fin stroke the back of her head.

"It's okay Amanda, it's alright baby girl, I'm right here." He tried to calm her down but she wouldn't stop crying. She broke of his hand and ran to the bin again only to empty her stomach once more. Olivia was everything to her, how could she leave her without telling her anything? And now that she was pregnant things were way more complicated. She got on her knees and laid with her head against the wall as she wiped away her tears. The entire room was spinning and she had turned pale.

"Fin, take her out of here. Take her to a hospital, get her checked make sure both she and the baby are fine" Cragen ordered. Fin needed no more. He grabbed her in his arms and ran to the car…

By the time they arrived to the hospital, she was fast asleep on the backseat of his car, her hands resting on her flat belly...

He was also worried about his partner, she was very sensitive... could she make it on her own or would she crack down without Olivia?


	4. Chapter 4

**Ηey guys! My exam period started so sorry for not updating :) Heres the next chapter. I can assure you Olivia will come back :) Just be patient with me okay? :) THANK YOU and LOVE YOU for the wonderful reviews :)**

**Read and Please review :) enjoy!**

She was alone in a hospital room. Fin was outside talking with the doctor. She wasn't crying she wasn't moving. She just stared there in the empty room. She couldn't believe Olivia would let her like that. She reached for her bag and got the envelope she put there last night. She took the pictures from inside the envelope. _'This is for you Liv'_ she thought to herself hoping that somehow Olivia would listen to this. She ran her thumb through the sonogram and stopped it on a little spot that at the moment was her baby, their baby, hers and Olivia's.

Just then Fin and walked in. She put the photos back in her bag and gave Fin a smile.

"Hey Amanda. Doctor said everything's fine for now on but you gotta be careful. You could lose your baby. I know it's hard but you have to stay calm dear."

"I just don't get it Fin. Why did she do that… And even if she had to go undercover she could have told me. I gave her everything Fin. I just didn't think she'd ever leave me like that" She answered. She was calm not tears no shouts. In fact she kept talking in a soft, calm tone.

"Amanda uh, listen. I know it's hard to understand baby girl. I know it is. But the case Olivia got in is pretty dangerous. She didn't want anyone who shouldn't know, know about you. She wanted to protect you. You are her first priority, you know that." She told her. He knew she wouldn't accept it so easily, and it was gonna be hard for her. He wished he could tell her something, help her, tell her when Olivia would come back, but he didn't know and he couldn't lie to her.

Amanda looked at him with a very sad look. One of those you have n the worst moments of your life. The ones you don't want to have again and don't want to remember. Those heartbreaking looks that show how hurt somebody is.

"No Fin, I'm not. Her job is. She could have simply rejected to go. I'm sure nobody pressed her harder than she could take. She wanted to do this, she loves doing her job right and I don't blame her. I don't want to take that happiness from her and I never tried to for those months we are together. But just don't tell me I'm her first priority cause I'm not."

He didn't know what to tell her. She was right. Olivia was alone for too many years and was addicted to her job. She loved being a cop and putting her life in danger to save others. But she also loved Amanda. He just couldn't tell which one she loved more.

He let out a sight unable to answer back to her. "Let's get you out of here." He finally said after a few seconds of silence.

**Four day**s **later…**

She had just come out from the bathroom. It was too early for her to go to work yet but morning sickness wouldn't let her go back to sleep. She would close her eyes for a moment and it'd be then that the nausea wave would hit her. She took a pen and opened the notebook she had bought yesterday. She decided to keep a diary for Olivia in case she didn't come back soon. She took the pen in her hand and started writing.

_Dear Olivia. It's the third day you've been gone and I've been feeling terribly alone. I miss you. I miss your smile, your laugh, your kiss. I miss seeing you next to me in bed every morning. I miss coming home with you after a long tiring day at work and being able to feel like I had just woken up. I miss that overprotection thing you always had on me when we'd go outside. _

_But I'm not the only one missing you. Everybody does. Especially our child. Yeah Liv, I'm pregnant, five weeks pregnant. I didn't manage to tell you before you left. It was my gift for our anniversary but this won't happen cause you're gone. You know the things they say about morning sickness, it's all true. It sucks. I'm not able to sleep more than four hours before my stomach starts hurting me and soon after that nausea comes. I wish you were here, hug me and tell me everything will be over soon and we'd have our child in eight months and that we'd be a happy family._

_I don't even know if you'll be back in eight months. Hopefully you will and I'll be waiting._

_Goodbye for now, yours faithfully, _

_Amanda _

She dropped the notebook n the floor and tried to catch a nap while her stomach was calm. She woke up by the sound of her fridge opening. She heard some cupboards opening too. She reached for her gun that was next to her and slowly moved to her kitchen. She pointed the gun at the person who was there.

"Wow, wow calm down Amanda it's me."

She let out a sight when she realized who the person in her kitchen was.

"Damn Fin you scared the hell out of me. What are you doing here? How did you get in?" She asked. She dropped the gun on the table and moved to the sink for a cup of water.

"Olivia gave me the keys before she left. She wanted me to make sure you're okay and being able to reach you in case of emergency. I didn't mean to wake you up I'm just making you something to eat."

Amanda smiled at him. Olivia cared about her. She gave him the keys so he'd be able to check on her anytime. But then, why did she leave her like that? Things were getting more and more complicated in her mind.

"Don't bother Fin. I can't keep anything in my stomach anyways." Her excitement didn't last for long as she went back to the mood she had since Olivia left. The quiet and sad one. Fin approached her and rubbed her back.

"Oh so little Rollins won't let you eat? Did you call your doctor?"

Amanda gave Fin another smile. Little Rollins? She liked that. For a moment she forgot everything and concentrated in the fact that she was going to be a mum. In all that panic she hadn't yet realized the benefits of it. She ran her hand through her flat belly.

"Yeah, he said it will probably be better till next week, if not I'd give him a call"

"But you gotta it something till next week baby girl." He said and passed her over some salty crackers. "It helps with the nausea." He added.

She ate them with no hesitation, hoping it'd stay in her stomach. After that she returned to her bedroom to get ready for work and Fin waited for her. They both knew she'd have to talk with Cragen as soon as she was there. Besides, she couldn't keep working while pregnant. Things would be a lot easier if Olivia was there to help her. But she wasn't and she just had to do this alone.

They arrived a little bit later than they should've at work, cause they waited for Amanda's nausea to pass before they left. The past four days she hadn't been to work at all. She told Fin to let the captain know she's not coming till she's better with Olivia's absence. She couldn't even tell it to him herself. She was afraid to face him.

As soon as they walked it she felt everybody's eyes on her. Fin held her hand tight letting he know he was there no matter what. He led her to her desk and helped her out. He leaned down n her and whispered in her ear.

"Cragen's in his office. You should talk to him Ams. I'll be right here. If you want me to come in I can…"

She kissed his cheek as a way of 'thank you'

"No Fin, I'll go in alone. It's gonna be better. I'll be right back." She said and stood up from her chair. Her steps to his office were small and slow. She looked left to see Nick looking at her with a sympathetic smile drawn on his face. She turned right to see Munch making a 'thumbs up' gesture with his hand. She was glad to see her co-workers were supporting her. She knocked the door and got it shortly after that.

"Hello Captain." She whispered never making eye contact with him. She closed the door behind her and slowly moved in the room.

"Amanda, was looking forward to seeing you." He said. "How are you hanging on?"

"I'm okay." She simply answered.

"Listen. I'm not mad for not telling me about you and Olivia Amanda. I'm just sad you didn't tell me earlier. I wouldn't have let her go undercover and let you alone and pregnant. You should have told me."

"I know." She said, her voice broke but she decided know to cry. She whipped away the tears before they had the chance to fall. "We just. I mean me and Olivia… I… I didn't want her to lose her job because of our relationship. And all this between us was just getting started and it was pretty complicated. I'm sorry captain."

"Six months Amanda's not a very long time but is not a short one either. I just want you to know that you can count on me for helping you through this too. I remember seeing you happy the past months and I knew there was somebody who caused that, I just didn't know it was Liv. And I want to continue seeing you happy till she's back. Besides you have a baby to care about now. And I know she'll be glad to hear she's gonna be a mum once she's back."

Amanda couldn't believe her ears. She was so touched from Cragen's statement. He wanted to help her. He didn't want her to be sad. It was then that she realized… It wasn't gonna be easy, but it was gonna be easier than she firstly thought when she knew Olivia wasn't gonna be around for some time.

"Thanks cap." She muttered. She made her way out of the room but was stopped by Cragen's voice before exiting it.

"And Amanda…I'm gonna have to put you on desk duty for the rest of your pregnancy. You can start taking your days off anytime."

She simply nodded and moved out of the room now her moves faster than before. She dropped herself on her chair.

About an hour later Cragen walked out of his office.

"Guys we got a case. Fifteen year old boy was found dead and dumped in an alley. His penis was missing. Nick and Fin and go check it out."

The two detectives got up and left the precinct immediately leaving Cragen and Amanda behind.

"I tried to talk with the FBI agent who's responsible for Olivia's mission. They won't let me talk to her. They say she's not available. I let her a message, they'd give it to her the moment she contacts with them."

"Thank you Captain." She said. He returned to his office after that leaving Amanda alone n the room. She opened up her diary and started writing.

_P.S. I know that in the end, everything will be great and we'll be one happy family. You, me and our child… I love you no matter what. Forever and ever…_


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys :) thank you for ur wonderful reviews! Here is the next chapter... please dont forget to review cause your reviews are my motive :) And don't forget Olivia's coming back soon and we'll have some great ROLIVIA feelings :) enjoy!**

_"Come on Amanda wake up I know you are in there you car is here. Come on open up." _ Amanda heard the familiar voice outside her apartment's door. It was a Sunday morning what was he doing there? She tight the belt of her bath robe around her and opened the door.

"Nick, I was in the shower sorry, why are you shouting anyways. Is everything okay?" Nick didn't speak for a while. Amanda felt his eyes on her. "Nick" she tried again. He moved his eyes and smiled at her.

"Sorry for that! I didn't mean to be indiscreet. You know I haven't seen you in a while and you just look stunning." Amanda smiled at him but he continued before she had the time to thank him. "So I'm having Zara today and well I asked Fin and he thought it's a great idea if you and he accompany me to the zoo. You know she wants to go there with her best friend Annie and you've been in the house pretty much since Olivia left and I know that's not you. You'd go out with us at least once a week but the past two weeks you are sitting here by yourself…So what do you say?"

"I don't know Nick, I'm not that good with kids and I'm not gonna be a good company anyways…"

He took her hand in his and looked straight in the eyes. "Amanda come on, you can't stay in here till Olivia's back. Besides you are such a sweet person. You and Zara are gonna do just fine…Come on don't do this to yourself, you deserve better. Please…"

She thought it for a while. His big brown shinny eyes and that sweet expression on his face weren't much of a help.

"Let me go get dressed." She said .She made him a cup of coffee and disappeared from the room shortly after that. She got in her bedroom and locked the door as she dropped her bath robe n the floor. She put on her favorite jeans and a pink clingy tank top. She stared at her reflection in the mirror to make sure she hasn't gained any weight. She was still looking hot and surely not pregnant as her gorgeous, fit body wouldn't betray it. It was too soon for her to start showing at her seventh week anyways. She got her hair n a ponytail and let a curl fall from each side. She chose not to use any make up. She preferred to be natural. She only put on a discreet lip-gloss before returning to the living room.

Nick was sitting on her couch patiently waiting for her. He saw her and stood up taking her purse from her hands.

"I got this." He said. He couldn't help but stare at her. He wasn't in love with her, God no but she was hot.

As soon as they stepped out of the building Fin and Zara were there waiting for them. Zara jumped on her dad and hugged him screaming out his name. Fin approached Amanda and gave her a sweet hug. He hadn't seen her since she had stopped going to work two weeks ago.

"Look at you baby girl." He told her and placed his hands around her lower waste. "Don't look pregnant at all. Just as sexy and beautiful as you were the first day you stepped in the building." He told her. Amanda let out a small laugh and playfully punched his arm. She moved her eyes to the younger girl dressed in her purple dress who was constantly looking at her.

"Zara this is my co-worker Amanda." Her father told the little girl. She just frowned.

"Why is she here? Where did Olivia go daddy?" Nick was startled by his daughter's question. He looked at Amanda who was staring at the ground. She was anxious enough to meet his daughter, she didn't need her being impolite to her.

"Zara Olivia had somewhere to go, and now I know how much you like Olivia but this doesn't give you the right to be impolite with Amanda. I want you to apologize to her…"

"Nick its okay…" Amanda whispered. She didn't want his daughter hating her already. They hadn't even begun their trip to the zoo yet.

"No Amanda she has to apologize to you otherwise we are not going to the zoo. Now Zara please apologize to her."

"I'm sorry Amanda." Zara said, scratching her hand n discomfort.

"It's okay honey, come here I want to tell you a little secret." Amanda answered and knelt to the girl's height, trying to make a move that would break the ice between them. Zara came closer and put her ear in front of Amanda's lips ready to hear the secret. Amanda put her hands around her small waist and took her in her arms, getting back on her feet again.

"You know what. Olivia and me are very good friends and she used to talk a lot about you. She really liked you. And maybe when she's back from the job she is in now you can come over at our place and stay for a night or two huh?"

The six year old smiled bright and nodded. She wrapped her arms around Amanda's neck pulling her into a hug right before kissing her cheek. She was amazed by the child-innocence of a six year old. All she wanted is to see that Amanda is a friend and not an enemy.

Amanda let the girl back on the ground, but half way back on her normal position she winced and let out a small moan.

"You okay?" Nick asked her and rubbed his hand on her back.

She tried to smile so he wouldn't get worried.

"I'm fine. Just a small pain it's nothing. Shall we go?" She said and got in the car before he had the chance to fight the "I'm fine" thing back. The rest of them got in the car and Nick told Fin to keep an eye on Amanda while he was driving.

He had promised Olivia the night before she left that he'd take care of Amanda….

_It was 5:00 am. Amanda was still asleep. Olivia got out of the covers and moved to Amanda's side of the bed. She took her alarm clock and changed the time, careful not to wake her up. She planted a kiss on her cheek and caressed her cheek. _

_"I love you Ams…" She whispered. She whipped the tears from her eyes and got dressed as quietly as she could. She grabbed her budge and her gun and ran out of the apartment not being able to goodbye her girlfriend. She dialed her partner's number and asked him to meet her at the usual bar._

_They both met there half an hour later._

_"Liv, what's going on? It's pretty early. Is everything okay?" he uttered. He saw his partner's wet eyes and immediately wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in a long hug. When she felt good enough to get out of his arms she answered to him._

_"Nick, I… uh, I'm gonna work with the FBI for a few months, undercover… I know it sounds weird but it's my job and I just have to go… I want you to take care of Amanda while I'm gone… She's so fragile, so emotional… I know she's not gonna be that happy when she wakes up in the morning, probably cry herself out but I couldn't look her in the eyes and tell her that I'm gonna leave…Please Nick, promise me you're gonna take care of her…"_

_Nick looked at her. Her puffy, red eyes were looking straight at him too. Her mascara had run down her face. He could see the pain in her eyes. She was lost between her love for her work and her love for Amanda. Most people would say her how stupid this was and that she didn't deserve Amanda who had given her everything but Nick knew. He knew why her job was so important to her. He took her hands in his and kissed her forehead…_

_"I promise Liv… nothing won't happen to her as long as I'm around… I promise you…"_

* * *

They stopped at Annie's house and picked her up. The two girls wouldn't stop talking in the entire drive but not only. They were overexcited to be at the zoo too and this wouldn't calm them down. They were walking up and down the zoo for more than two hours and if Amanda wouldn't tell them she wasn't feeling very well they'd probably be for a lot more. Nick insisted on taking her home but she told him she just needed to sit so they went at the coffee-shop of the zoo. ..

"So Amanda, have you been having any cravings?" Nick asked. Amanda shook her head.

"Nah, I'm more like in the throwing-up-everything stage."

"I remember Maria emptying our entire fridge every night when she was pregnant with Zara… And then at around three in the morning she'd sent me find her some Greek sweets and weirdo stuff…"

"Well, I'm still in my seventh week so apart from throwing up pretty much everything I eat I can't tell you the benefits of pregnancy just yet." She stopped for a while and smiled as the thought of what she wanted to say next. "I remember when me and Olivia were talking about kids and pregnancies… and I'd tell her that my mum had some crazy cravings when she was pregnant with me… she was like 'If we ever decide to have a child, I could bring you the sky and all its starts if you ask me too. ' And now all I want her is to be here you know…"

Nick saw where this was going, and made an attempt to change the subject but he failed. Thank God Zara decided it was the right time for her to ask questions.

"Amanda, are you going to have a little baby?" Amanda nodded at the little girl.

"Yes sweetie."

"Well you don't look like that. Annie's mommy is going to have one too and she is that huge!" She said and widely opened her hands, showing them how huge Annie's mother was.

"She says my baby brother will be here in two weeks. He's getting to big to be in her tummy anymore. And she's right. She's so huge that my daddy has to sleep on the couch." Annie said. All three adults laughed with the six year olds'. It was kind of funny and for Amanda interesting to see how younger children reacted to pregnancies.

Soon Annie spoke again letting them know all her knowledge on pregnancies and babies.

"But I think it is better now that she's huge. Because when she was still skinny she was throwing up all the time and daddy was so worried that he took her to the hospital. She said I was a better baby and that she had a better pregnancy with me. She says my brother kicks her too much."

Zara put her hand on her friend's mouth stopping her from talking more as it was her turn to talk.

"How long do you have to wait till your baby comes Amanda?" She asked.

"Almost eight more months honey."

"And who is the daddy Amanda?" The little girl asked again. An awkward silence filled the room for a while.

"Okay Zara you've asked Amanda enough questions already." Her father told her trying to avoid answering her question.

"Is it Olivia's?" the little girl asked again, not caring what her father told her. "Cause earlier you told me to come to your place so that means you two live together, right? Only couples live together."

Amanda laughed at the little girl's conclusion and intelligence.

"You are a really smart girl you know." Amanda told her as she picked her up and placed her n her lap. "Yeah it's Olivia's." She answered not sure what her next question would be.

"Kewl! I have a friend who has two mommies. She says it's great because there are only girls in their house. Is your child a boy or a girl Amanda?"

Nick decided to put an end n this war of questions. He stood up and dropped some money on the table.

"It's too early for her to know yet pumpkin now come on we let Amanda and Fin here and we three will go and feed the ducks okay?" The two girls shouted in excitement. Nick threw the car-keys to Fin. "Meet us there in ten" he said.

* * *

Amanda went to bed early that night. She had dreamt Olivia coming back. That it was the three of them several years after, walking n the park and all this undercover operation was just a memory. This gave her strength. Because it was true. Sooner or later it'd be the three of them, Amanda Olivia and their child. Sooner or later all this would be just a bad memory, a nightmare that came to an end.

After that dream she couldn't go back to sleep. She opened the drawer of her desk and took the diary in her hands.

_Olivia_

_Today ends the seventh week of my pregnancy. I'm closer and closer to having our child. Closer to the day that your dream will come true, because I remember how much you wanted to be a mother. And I know you'll be one of the best. I just hope you'd be there by then. Cause you know how afraid I am of labor. And you had promised me if that ever happens you'd be there, remember?_

_Oh and by the way… Nick and Fin are taking really great care of me. I owe them a lot. They took me to the zoo today with Nick's daughter. We had a really nice time. You should know we owe her a sleepover… I'm sorry but this was the only way for her to start liking me. She prefers you though. I've always told you I'm not that good with kids. So you better come back quickly…_

_Goodbye my love… Stay safe…_


	6. Chapter 6

**HEY GUYS :) i had some time and thought to update today too. thank u once more for ur wonderful reviews! And don't worry, no hook ups with Nick thats a Rolivia story remember? :) PLEASE review guys i love reading your reviews, its jsut a few seconds of ur time :) Enjoy!**

Everything was quiet at the precinct. Fin and Nick were doing some paperwork from a previous case. Munch wasn't there at all. But the weirdest thing was that FBI agent Dean Porter was in Cragen's office for the last hour or so… They couldn't help but wonder if this had to do anything with Olivia's case.

Soon the door open and both Cragen and Porter walked out of Cragen's office. They were quiet for a while before Cragen decided it was time to speak.

"Fin, I want you to call Amanda and tell her to come down here." He said his tone serious and cold.

Fin stood up from his desk. He had started getting worried. Amanda, what did Amanda had to do with that? It was definitely about Olivia.

"Is everything okay Captain?" Nick asked making his way to the Captain now.

"I'm afraid not son…"

* * *

"Oh come on who is it at that time of the day?" She complained as she reached for her phone. She saw the caller and answered.

"Fin, hey what's up?" She heard what he had to tell her and turned off her phone immediately as she jumped out of her bed and started getting dressed. He told her that she had to go down at the precinct? Was Olivia back? This was her first thought… But it could be anything. She had to go down at the precinct.

She got n her car and drove as fast as she could…

* * *

She rushed into the precinct and found everybody there, but not Olivia. They were serious and quiet, awfully quiet…

"Captain what's wrong." She asked. She got a deep sight as an answer.

"Amanda this is FBI agent Dean Porter, he is responsible for Olivia's operation." He said and looked directly at the blonde's eyes. With the corner of her eyes she saw Nick coming closer to her. What was happening? Dean gave her his hand but she didn't give hers back, she wasn't in the mood for that till she'd know what was going on.

"What is this about Captain? Where's Olivia. Is she back?" She was getting worried, like the first day she came into the squad-room asking where Olivia was…and learned that she was gone.

That awful silence filled the room again. She could see Nick's red eyes. He was crying. She looked around for reactions as she waited for an answer. Nobody talked, nobody looked at her.

"Detective Benson is dead…" Dean finally said.

"No, no, no, no, no…" Amanda screamed as she fell to the ground. Nick rushed and wrapped his arms around her before she had the chance to reach the ground. Her screams and cries filled the room. Nick noticed Cragen giving a very angry look to Dean and whispering something to him before running to Amanda.

"Please, no… please" She screamed between her sobs. Nick held his hands tight around her as she tried to get out of his arms but he wouldn't let her.

"Shh, it's okay Amanda calm down… think about your baby" He told her.

"NO" she shouted with all her powers "I don't care anymore… I… I don't want to live… I…" She didn't manage to finish her sentence as her intense cry wouldn't let her utter more words. Nick sat on the ground with her in his arms and waited patiently for her to calm down. She buried her head n his neck and cried her eyes out. For hours she wouldn't stop. It wasn't that easy and he knew. She had just learnt that the person she loved more in her life is dead. God he wanted to cry too. Olivia was his partner and he loved her, but he couldn't cry at the moment, he had to be strong for Amanda. He had promised Olivia…

A couple of hours later everybody was still there. Except Cragen. He had gone back in his office with Dean Porter. How could he not be sad? He had just lost his best detective and he didn't seem sad enough.

Nick looked down at his arms. Amanda had fallen asleep during her cry. He rubbed the back of her head and kissed the top of it.

"Fin I'm taking her home." He whispered so as not to wake her up. He was angry with his Captain so he wasn't going to tell him anything. He stood up and carefully took her in his arms again. She opened her eyes but Nick told her to go back to sleep and she did so seconds later. He noticed everybody's looks on the young blonde sleeping in his arms, on his way out of the precinct. He messaged Fin that he'd stay with her till she wakes up and to let Cragen know. He knew how hard things were gonna be once she was awake…

* * *

"Come on Dean" Cragen shouted full of anger at the FBI agent after looking out of his office's window. He saw Nick taking Amanda out of the precinct and in fact he was glad he did.

"I'm sorry Don but you can't tell them anything, not even Amanda."

"How can you be so heartless? You saw her! You saw her crying so hard that she could barely breathe after a while. And you want me to keep lying to her and all my detectives for your stupid operation? It's human feelings we are talking about here Dean!" He was now shouting too much.

"Calm down Don. Everything will happen in time. I have to go now…" he said and with that he left the precinct, leaving Donald Cragen to fight with what he had to do and what his heart told him to do…

* * *

He was in her house for more than two hours. He tidied it a little bit and as time didn't want to pass quickly he decided to cook something for her when she'd wake up. Just when food was ready he heard footsteps from behind him. There she was, as white as snow. She was supporting herself n the dining chair.

"Hey…" he said but she didn't answer. He put the food on the table and reached for her hand. The moment he touched her she ran to the sink and emptied her stomach, repeatedly for several minutes. When it was over, Nick embraced her, his huge hands stroking her back. He could feel his t shirt getting wet by her tears. He captured her cheek with his hand and wiped all her tears away.

"Come on you should eat something. I made you some spaghetti, and no is not an answer…"

He led her to the table but she stayed back.

"I don't want to eat." She whispered. It was so quiet he could barely understand what she said.

"Please Amanda, you haven't eaten anything today if you don't care about yourself at least do this for your baby. You know Olivia would kill you if she'd find out what you are doing to both you and your baby. Either she's here or not you ARE going to be a mother and you need to start thinking like one." He told her. He wasn't angry, mad. He kept talking to her in a soft tone. But she needed to realize that she had a child to take care of now.

"Okay." She answered after thinking it for a while. Even if biologically it wasn't Olivia's, in her head that child was all she'd left from her.

She only ate a few bites, not only because she didn't want to eat but also the nausea feeling wouldn't help her at all. But Nick was satisfied. It was better than nothing after all.

After eating and washing the dishes it was time for him to go.

"I need to go back to work but if you need anything, anything… please call me." He said.

Once more she didn't answer. Not a thank you, not a nod, nothing… Just silence… silence that was caused by terrible pain…

* * *

"You did what?" She shouted at the person n the other line. She sounded more than angry.

"I didn't have another choice. And neither do you. You are in this till the end." The person n the other line answered.

"I agreed to help you and that's how you're paying me back? You told them I'm dead? You told HER I'm dead?" She screamed.

"Calm down…Olivia. It was the only choice otherwise the entire operation would be blown up. She took it bad yeah, but your partner was there to help her. Don told me about the baby, you sure it's not his?"

She sat on the chair behind her…Her legs started shaking… "What baby?"

"Your girlfriend is pregnant, Don said she did this for you but…maybe she's not having that bad time while you are gone…"

"You son of a bitch…"

Olivia tossed the cell-phone with all the rage that conversation created. It hit the wall and fell down to pieces. She curled herself and cried. Amanda was pregnant and she had let her alone all this time. She would never forgive herself. She held her necklace tight n her hands… that necklace Amanda bought her on her first anniversary..

"I'm not dead Amanda… I'm here thinking of you… I'll be home soon sweetie… I promise you, just hang in there…" She whispered hoping somehow Amanda would listen to this….


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys :) Back with a new chapter :) Once more thank you for your wonderful reviews and im surely waiting for more :) Dont be booored :D Enjoy! (and wish me luck for my exams starting tmrw!)**

"…. May God forgive all her sins" The priest finally said.

It seemed like an eternity to Amanda who was constantly crying behind her dark glasses as she saw the closed coffin that Olivia's body was lying in. At least that's what she thought. Cragen insisted on not letting her see Olivia as it would only hurt her more

. She was dressed in a black dress, black shoes and black sunglasses to cover her wet eyes. It wasn't only the tears they hid it was also the black circles under her eyes from the lack of sleep.

The only thing that wasn't black was her beautiful blonde hair that rested on her shoulders. Her hand was held by Nick during the entire funeral. Nobody talked, not even once. The atmosphere was too heavy for anyone to stand it.

Once the funeral was over many people who were at the funeral gave their condolecence to her. It wasn't just family and the detectives she worked with. Many of the victims she had supported all those years were there too. Or even fans that supported and loved what she was doing. Too many people crying over her dead girlfriend.

While walking out of the church with a tissue on her one hand and Nick's hand on the other she was stopped by a man who was holding a little girl in his arms. She could tell she knew him from somewhere but she couldn't recall from where.

"Miss Rollins… I'm so sorry for your loss… Our loss… I'm Simon, Olivia's brother." he said. And that's when she remembered, Olivia had shown her a picture of him and the little girl also named Olivia who was her niece.

"Thank you Simon." She murmured her voice more husky because of the cry. It wasn't just today, she had been crying nonstop the past 48 hours. She could barely handle Olivia being away and alive. Now that she was dead all that was keeping her was her baby. She covered with her hand that small bump that had begun to appear, betraying the fact that she was going to be a mum.

"I'm sorry that we didn't get to meet each other under better circumstances, but I know how much you loved my sister. We'd talk on the phone for you and I can tell you… She was happy. So I want you to know. If you need anything you can give me call I can help you. I know it's gonna be hard to be a single mum, but me and my wife are by your side."

Amanda tried to give him a smile. She watched the little girl in his arms as he walked away. She had Olivia's skin colour. Nick put one hand on her belly and the other one on her back, like a protector, and gently pushed her to let her know they should go. Just then Maria, Nick's ex with Zara came.

"Amanda, Amanda!" the little girl shouted and wrapped her arms around her waist."Why are you crying Amanda what happened? She asked. Maria slowly approached her and took Zara back, knowing that her questions only made matters worse.

"My condolecence" she said, Amanda's answer was a nod instead of thank you. She didn't have the power physically and mentally for more.

"Daddy what happened? Is Amanda's baby okay?" The little girl asked again, making another effort to understand what was going on. Nick was about to tell his daughter not to ask any questions but Amanda stopped him. She knelled, so her face would be n the same height as Zara's.

"No Zara, baby's fine. It's just Olivia she uh, she had to go to the sky and be an angel…" She uttered barely holding her tears back.

"But why did she have to go to the sky to become an angel? Couldn't she stay here?"

"No honey because angels only live in heaven and heaven is in the sky…" She managed to say again without letting her tears fall. She could feel her own eyes burn just when she saw Zara's eyes getting red.

"I didn't say goodbye to Livvy." She cried. "Did you?" Amanda shook her head.

"I don't want her to be an angel in the sky" She cried again and fell in Amanda's arms. Amanda wasn't able to hold her tears back and let them fall again, something that didn't feel unusual anymore. Nick and even Maria who were watching the whole scene started both crying, silently. Amanda took her glasses off and wiped her tears after wiping Zara's.

"You know what honey, we shall not cry because she can see us, and she gets sad okay?" The little girl nodded. Amanda hugged once more the girl before getting back n her feet.

"Ugh…" she moaned. Nick and Maria both ran to her.

"Amanda, you alright?" Nick asked her. She took a few deep breaths before answering.

"Yeah you know just another one of those abdominal cramps." She breathed.

"How far along are you? When did you start having them?" Maria asked now. Amanda rubbed her belly when she felt calmer again and put her sunglasses back on. "Seventeen weeks. I've been having them since the beginning of this week."

Nick looked at Amanda "Couldn't be premature labor sign, could it? I mean it's too early."

Maria shook her head. "I don't know Nick I'm not a specialist, but it could be anything. From simple pregnancy pains to something way more serious. You should check it." She advised the younger woman. And just then Nick was ready to take her to the doc's.

"I don't want to." She told him… He didn't let it pass like that without arguing but he decided to let it go for now due to Amanda's emotional situation. Besides he knew she had an appointment in two days, he was going with her and he was gonna ask the doctor even if she didn't want to.

"Just take me home…" she begged.

* * *

She dropped her body in the hot water of the bathtub. She dropped her head back and let all the thoughts she had in her head disappear for a while. She had to be at her doctor's in two hours. Nick told her he would take her. But she really wanted to go on her own. She couldn't tell him though, because all this time Nick was the first one to stand by her side and help her. Everybody did but he was always there no matter what.

A few minutes later she heard her phone ringing from inside the living room. She got out, wrapped her body in a towel and it was just then when she felt something weird. Was it a movement? She couldn't be sure but she might have just felt her baby moving for the first time. She smiled a true smile for the first time in a long time.

"Hey you in there, did you just move?" She childishly talked to her tummy. She didn't think this could happen, but that simple movement made her feel incredibly happy for a moment. She picked up the phone that wasn't ringing anymore and called back the caller.

"Hey Nick everything alright?" she asked him once he answered the phone.

"Uh not, Zara had a fall at the playground and I think she broke her arm I'm taking her to the hospital right now and I'm not sure if…"

"Nick!" she stopped him. "Go take care of your daughter; I can go to that appointment on my own. Don't worry!" She heard her partner's sight. He did sound strange, but she didn't pay too much attention. He was probably worried about his daughter.

"Thank you Amanda. I'll call you later to check on you. Bye!"

She let the phone back on the table in relief to be going alone and walked in her bedroom to get dressed after drying her hair. She put on the maternity cloth Olivia's brother had sent her yesterday. It was a light pink, thigh-length, long-sleeve blouse. She tried it on and felt really comfortable in it. She then put on her black leggings before leaving the apartment in a rush as she was running late.

She drove herself at the doctor's office. She waited in the waiting room for no more than ten minutes before her doctor's secretary called her in.

"Amanda, I'm so glad to see you here. To be honest I wasn't sure if you'd show up." She got in the room and dropped her coat n the little couch that was in the room.

"Why not?" she asked.

"I heard what happened. I'm so sorry for your loss." Dr McKenzie saw Amanda freeze for a moment before pretending she was doing better again. "Come on get up here." She said patting on the bed.

She did as she was told and laid there. She raised her blouse and shuddered at the feeling of the cold cream running her belly.

"Cold isn't it?" The smiling doctor told her. She did her medical-things for a while before letting her know that there were no worrying signs. When she asked her if she had anything she was worried about, after thinking for a while she decided to tell.

"I uh, I've been having some abdominal cramps for around 10 days now. You know not all the time but I do." She was closely watching the doctor's reaction trying to understand if it was something important or not.

"Well you are in your seventeenth week. It could be anything but I can assure you if it was something life-alerted for your baby we would have known. It's probably because all of your pelvic and abdominal organs are being pushed upwards and sideways due to enlarging uterus. That's what's mostly happening in the second trimester. So it could be just this. Have you felt any movement yet?"

Amanda felt calmer at the doctor's statement. If it wasn't something important it meant her baby was okay right? She brought a smile on her face as the memory of that morning came back n her mind.

"I um… I'm not sure. I might have felt something this morning. Something like a small tickle and push at the same time just here." She said and placed her hand on her lower bump.

"Congratulations mommy that was your first kick. You're gonna be having a lot more from now on and more intense. So we are done. Do you wanna know the sex of your baby?"

Amanda thought for a while. She remembered how Olivia always told her that if they ever had a child she would love to know the sex of it when they could.

"Um… no doc, I think I'm gonna leave it that way. Thank you anyways" She said.

She left the building but she felt like not going home. She knew the moment she'd step in there Olivia would be the only thing she'd be able to think about. She decided to take a walk, breath some fresh air, see other people. She used to walk a lot, run around the park but she didn't anymore.

She felt her hurt stop when she saw baby clothes n the storefront of a shop. It wasn't the first time in her life she'd see baby clothes, but it was the first time since she had gotten pregnant. She walked in the store and walked through the different halls. There were many beautiful cute baby clothes, for babies and toddlers, boys and girls, full of colours and different designs.

"May I help you?" the clerk asked her. She jumped and let out a laugh realizing how distracted she was. The young lady who was the clerk let out a laugh. "Sorry I didn't mean to scare you ma'am"

"No I'm sorry I didn't see you coming." She answered. "I just uh, I just wanna take a look" She completed. The woman just nodded and walked away.

She stopped in front a light blue bodysuit with a teddy bear in the center. A label was on it saying "newborns". She took the tiny cloth in her hands and imagined her little baby wearing it as she unconsciously smiled at it.

"You should definitely take this." The clerk who had obviously come back to her said. "It's a very beautiful piece. We have it also in pink if you're expecting a girl and in a darker blue for a little boy. This one is unisex it's great on both boys and girls.

"I don't really know what I'm expecting, and I won't know till the baby's here so, I'd love to take this one" She said and followed the clerk to the payment counter.

"First time mommy huh?" She asked her. Amanda just nodded and rubbed her belly. "It would be ten dollars, and I wish you a nice pregnancy!" Amanda thanked the woman and gave her the money letting her keep the change. She was so excited about getting that first baby cloth. Her baby wouldn't be here for around 5 more months but she didn't care. She went back to her car and drove home….

* * *

She was waiting outside her apartment for almost two hours now but she didn't mind. She was anxious and nervous about them two meeting again. She pushed her hair back and waited a little more. Soon she heard footsteps, she saw the blonde dressed in black, God she didn't even like black, she was probably still grieving.

Amanda took the keys from the inside of her back and was ready to unlock her door when she saw her. She let the bag with the cloth fall to ground as did her own jaw.

"Hey…" she heard her saying… She was still in so much shock she couldn't even talk.

"What…Where…How…" she said before her eyes filled with hot tears. She stopped and put her back against the wall to support herself. She looked at the ground and covered her eyes with her hand.

"Amanda…" She said. She tried to grab her hand but Amanda pulled it back.

"Don't… please don't." She whispered.

"Let's take this inside Amanda, please. I don't want you or the baby…"

"The baby?" She shouted. "Olivia, don't play the – I-care-about-both-of-you- card on me! You didn't even come back when you got my message from Porter! I left that message to you the day you left, three months ago for God's sake! Three months!"

A tear escaped from the brunette's eye as she saw how hurt Amanda was. She quickly wiped it…

"Amanda…"

"No Olivia." She stopped her again. "You don't get it… you don't get it at all. Do you know how it is like, to wake up in the morning and see that the person you loved more isn't there anymore? Do you know how I felt when I attended YOUR funeral and all those people came to me telling me how great you were and how much they loved and respected you. Do you… know how I felt when I realized that your job was more important to you than me? Do you have any idea how difficult it was for me to decide to impregnate myself for YOU! I wasn't ready to be a mom, but I thought that with you by my side it would be a lot easier. But you weren't there..." Her tears where running thickly down her face.

She knelt to the ground mad with herself for showing weakness once again. It wasn't just her it was her crazy hormones too that weren't helping at all. Olivia knelt next to her.

"I'm sorry Amanda, I really am. I know I haven't been as great to you as you were to me. I know I shouldn't have put my job before you once more, I'm not gonna find any excuses for this. I'm guilty at all counts. But I really didn't know you were pregnant and I didn't know that Dean was going to tell you I was dead. He told me the same day he told you, and that's also when he told me that you were pregnant. Just four days ago! And I tried my best to come back and explain everything to you! Tell you that I'm not dead. That I'm back in SVU and I'm done with leaving you again. And that I'm here for our child…"

Amanda looked deep n Olivia's eyes. She knew she was telling the truth. She placed her head on her lap and cried. Olivia caressed her cheek and head with her one hand as she placed the other one on Amanda's belly….

They stayed there, n the building's hallway till Amanda felt like standing up and going inside… with Olivia.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey guys! thank you for your reviews once more :) Here is the next chapter. I gotta tell you... I didn't like it that much and I apologise for that but my exams are keeping me busy. So bare with me, review and next chapter shall be better :) Enjoy!**

"Come on! Wake up sleeping beauty!" She heard someone telling her. She was still half sleeping she slowly opened her eyes and blinked a few times adjusting to the bright light that filled the room. She smiled when she saw Olivia with a tray full of pancakes, honey and a hot cup of tea. Olivia leaned on and gently kissed her lips, feeling them after such a long time.

"Thanks" she murmured and took the tray, not getting out of the covers. Olivia tried to make her way back in the kitchen but Amanda held her hand. "Stay." They both smiled at each other. Olivia sat next to Amanda and held her hand in hers. Amanda took a bite from the pancake she had and let out a small laugh.

"What? What is it?" Olivia asked laughing herself.

"I felt a kick" she answered and placed Olivia's hand n her belly. "My second ever." She added. Olivia's smile disappeared as her guilty conscience was telling her how bad she had treated Amanda. Amanda noticed it and put the tray next to her in bed as she pulled Olivia n her arms.

Olivia kissed the top of her head and looked directly in her wonderful eyes.

"How can you be so great after what I did to you?"

"Olivia, what's done is done. You are here now and that's what matters. Just promise me you won't leave me again."

She took her hands and brought them up on her lips. "I'm never gonna leave you again. I'm done with going undercover anyways. Dean got what he wanted and it cost me a lot. I'm not doing this again. Besides… I'm gonna be a mum aren't I?" She said excited. "So I'm not back to SVU till tomorrow so what would you say if we'd go for a walk in the park? And have Nick and Fin meet us there afterwards?"

Amanda nodded and took another bite. She was finally feeling so happy. It was just three days ago she went to Olivia's funeral and she couldn't imagine that three days later they'd be together again. That's the way life should've been from the very beginning.

* * *

A couple of hours later they met Nick and Zara at the park. Her little hand was broken n plaster.

"Amanda!" She screamed and jumped on the blonde as Olivia was long-hugging her partner.

"Hey honey, how's your hand doing?"

"Hurts but daddy says it's gonna be fixed again!" She said pointing at her hurt arm. Amanda kissed her cheek and let her back on the ground.

"Here I have a surprise for you" she said pointing at Olivia who Zara hadn't notice till then.

"Livvyyyy!" Olivia got on her knees and hugged the little girl tight.

"Hey little you, I've missed you."

The little girl patted Olivia's cheeks as she spoke. "I've missed you too Livvy. Aren't you an angel in the sky anymore?" Olivia looked at Amanda surprised of what the little girl had said.

"Don't look at me like that Liv. I had no way of knowing that you'd resurrect!" The blonde said.

Olivia laughed and went over to Amanda. She licked her lips before forcing her tongue in her mouth. Amanda wrapped her arms around her neck as she moaned cause of the force Olivia had use to get in her mouth.

"Eww" they heard Zara telling to her dad. Amanda laughed as she buried herself in Olivia's arms once they broke the kiss.

"Come on Zara let's go play for a little more and then we'll go grab some food" Amanda said taking the little girl by her hand and leading her away from Nick and Olivia.

The two of them sat on a bench across the park.

"I'm so glad you are back Liv." He said and hugged his partner one more.

"I'm glad to be back Nick." She stopped for a while and let out a sight. Nick tried to look at her face which was looking at the ground. He heard her sniffs and quiet sobs although she tried to hide them.

"No no Olivia why are you crying? Come here honey." He said as he rubbed the back of her head. She gave him a smile and made the tears disappear from her face.

"I'm not sure that I deserve her Nick. Look at her! She wasn't ready to be a mum, every time we'd talk about it I could tell, she didn't want it, and I mean who blames her? She's much younger than me. But here she is pregnant to make me a mother. She's so perfect and I only made her live the worst days of her life. I just don't know if I'm enough for her."

"No, Olivia listen to me. Everybody and I mean everybody makes mistakes. But you and only you are the one person Amanda finds so much happiness at. I was here when you were gone. And I'm not gonna lie to you she was bad. Bad because you weren't here. She loves you with all her heart, I mean look at her. You just came back last night and she has already forgiven you."

Olivia saw that Amanda and Zara were coming to them. She stood up with Nick and also walked to them as she whispered to him.

"And I love her more than words could ever tell."

* * *

After meeting Fin the four of them and little Zara went for a long walk and to a restaurant afterwards as Amanda's stomach wouldn't let her calm and she wouldn't let the others. Everybody was extremely happy to see Olivia back and alive. Amanda told her about meeting her brother and that she should let him know she's back and alive. Olivia was surprised to see that Simon attended her funeral as she pretty much thought he'd only remember of her existence when he needed something.

Four hours later both of them came back home. On their way back Olivia was asking for as more questions as she could about Amanda's pregnancy, to fill in the blanks. Amanda could see how excited Olivia was to be a mother. And suddenly she felt so delighted too. She laughed hard at Olivia's reaction when she told her she didn't know the sex of their baby and that she didn't want to. But Olivia respected her decision.

Once they got in their apartment Olivia started tossing her clothes around their bedroom, after feeling hot, staying with her tank top and panties.

"Come on Liv, give me a break!" She shouted and laughed. Olivia pushed her back to sit on the bed as she stayed in front of her.

"I've missed you." She said. She leaned on and kissed her lips pushing her further, and making her fall and lay on the bed as she got on top, careful not to put any weight on her.

"Liv, my hormones are crazy so if you are just gonna kiss me like this and let me be…"

Olivia shut her mouth with a gentle kiss, as she begun to increase the intensity. She placed her hands on her lower back slipping one hand down the back of her jeans. She wasn't in a rush but the wetness she could feel made her want to rip Amanda's clothes of right that moment. She tried to be as gentler as she could. She removed Amanda's shirt and planted soft kisses on her belly. . She then removed her jeans, as Amanda on her own removed her bra. Soon both women's clothes, or… what was left of them, were also on the floor and they were now both completely naked.

Amanda raised her head and pulled Olivia's face back on her lips sucking hard hers. Olivia chuckled.

"Since when did you become so violent?"

"Since you've left me all alone with no sex for such a long time." She said.

"Let me make it up to you." She whispered n her ear as her face disappeared again n Amanda's lower body….

* * *

Olivia woke up by the loud noise of someone pounding at their door. It was still early n that afternoon.

"What's wrong?" Amanda who had also woken up by the noise asked.

"I don't know baby, let me go check it out." She said. She put some clothes and noticed Amanda staring at her. "What?" she asked and laughed.

"You're hot." The younger woman said. Olivia went over to the bed and kissed her lips hard, as she did earlier.

"Stop staring at my nipples and go back to sleep." She said as she moved to the living room.

She opened the door to find Cragen standing there.

"Captain… what are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry to interrupt you at home Olivia I tried both your and Amanda's phone but you didn't answer." He said.

Just then Amanda appeared behind Olivia. Olivia held her girlfriend's hand in hers as they both waited to hear what had happened that caused Cragen to come to their apartment.

"Yeah, yeah sorry we were taking a nap, is everything okay?"

"No actually not." He answered. "Your niece is missing."


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey guys and sorry again for letting u hanging but u know..exams are all over me! I also had a heart attack after the finale xD i cant believe they let us like this till Fall OMG xD Anyways here is the next chapter, I know its too small but I tried my best with that limited free time i had those past days. and remember... THE BABY IS COMING SOON :) Love ya all 3 please review **

**Enjoy!**

Amanda held Olivia's hand in hers tightly n their way down at the precinct. She could see how worried Olivia was and she wished she could help her. Couldn't they stay happy for a day or two? Amanda saw Cragen texting someone.

_Jesus, who was he texting now? He had any news on Olivia's junior abduction?_ She thought. She waited for him to tell them something but he just continued driving. Olivia called Simon but he wouldn't answer. This was driving her crazy.

They jumped out of the car as soon as they arrived and rushed in.

"SURPRISE" they heard people screaming. Olivia looked at Amanda who was still holding her hand. They both smiled as they realized what was all this about. Simon with little Olivia in his arms was the first one to walk to them.

He firstly gave a hug to Amanda and let her hold Olivia as he moved to his sister and wrapped his arms protectively around her.

"Welcome back Liv." He whispered n her ear. Once they broke the hug both of them stared at Amanda. She looked adorable with little Olivia in her arms.

Soon she noticed. "What are you guys staring at?" She asked. The sibblings laughed. Simon saw, right that moment how deeply in love these two women were.

"You're so great with kids" Olivia told her and burried her girlfriend's lips in hers.

"Girls, girls, save it for later okay? Now its our time to celebrate" Nick shouted as he moved to them. He was holding a huge cake… more like birthday cake with something written on.

_Happy Lifetime _

Amanda was confused. What did that suppose to mean? But Nick soon explained.

"Well wishes like happy anniversary and stuff are usual, and we know you guys are gonna stay together forever so…"

Amanda jumped on him causing the cake to fall from his hands, but Olivia was there to catch it.

"Thank you Nick, for everything." She said. He hugged the blonde back with his huge hands resting on her lower waist.

"Hey you…partner, that's my girlfriend" Olivia ironically said and gigled.

Time passed quickly. They were in the precinct for hours, talking laughing having a nice time. They even played stip-poker but Amanda didn't want to. She felt fat and ugly, she decided to eat most of tthe cake instead causing everyone to laugh. Olivia who was the one who had most of her clothes on- everything except her shirt- so that meant she was only with her bra, stood up and walked to her. They were a few meters away from the others, they could see but not listen.

"You aint ugly baby. You're body is perfect. Cause there's a little you growing in there." She told her trying to make her girlfriend feel better. Amanda felt her breathing hitting her colar bone. She chuckled.

"You look hot in that bra." Amanda whispered n her ear, changing the subject. She traced her fingers throught the frabric that was covering her boobs. She felt herself getting wet as she touched Olivia's soft skin. For a moment she lost sence of time and space. She wrapped her arms around her neck and pulled her closer for a passionate kiss . As the kiss got more intense Amanda moved her one hand under Olivia's bra, carefully so no one would notice and rubbed her nipple. Olivia silently moaned in her mouth and pulled away when she heard whispers from the others. They could see that they were kissing, but nothing more as the womens' backs were blocking their view.

"They're watching us." She said. Amanda was heavy breathing, those crazy pregnancy hormones weren't much of a help once more.

"I know, sorry I couldn't help it." She answered and forced her tongue in Olivia's mouth again. Olivia enjoyed the kiss before breaking free again.

"Wait I'm gonna get dressed and we can take this home…" Shetold her with a smirk as she moved back to wear her shirt.

* * *

Next day Olivia returned to her work ready to chase some perps and put them behind bars. And she did so. A few hours later she got her a new case and she and Nick were all over it all day. They went down to their prime suspect work to question him but he begun to ran the moment they told him they are police. They had a hard time catching him as he was fast like the wind. They ended up losing him and Nick twisting his ankle. They were back at the precinct a little after lunch time.

"Damn Nick stop acting like a baby, I'm trying to put this ice cube on your leg"

"It's easy for you to say Olivia. You are not the one hurt" He complained. She playfully slapped the back of his head.

"Zara would've been calmer!" She told him. It was then that she realised it was after lunch time. "Oh God… I promised Amanda I'll spend my lunch break with her Fin can you take care of this child till Im back?" she asked. Fin approached taking the ice cube from her hand and pressing it on Nick's leg causing him to shout in pain. He laughed.

"I gottya"

"Oh Liv…" Nick stopped her. "Can you ask Amanda, and if you both want Zara would love to spend the night with you two. I've promised Gil I'll take him to the match and she's not into it. So…"

"Yeah I'll ask her and let you know." She answered.

Olivia left the precinct the fastest she could and called Amanda to meet her at a coffee-shop two blocks away. She ordered some coffee and toast while Amanda was already eating her crepe.

"Sorry for being late I didn't realise how quickly time passed, we had that case and went down chasing a perp and I.." She stopped when she realise she was talking about work. "No let's forget it, what did you do?" She said and held her hand. She brought it up to her lips and kissed it.

"I uh, I didn't do anything. I watched TV and ate and ate…and…ate . I'm getting so fat."

"No you aren't baby. You are so perfect." Olivia reassured her and let their lips meet in a sweet kiss. "And you taste like crepe" She leaned on to kiss her again but Amanda moaned a little.

"Aouch" she said and rubbed her belly.

"Are you okay honey?" Olivia asked her and immediately went closer to her.

"Yeah it's just ugh… I just a had a pretty hard kick" She said. She took Olivia's hand and led it to where the baby was kicking. "Can you feel it?" She said.

Olivia smiled brightly. "Yeah." She answered.. "So you thought of any names?"

Amanda sighted. Talking about names? The baby was really coming quickly.

"It's not like I thought about it like crazy but, if it's a girl I thought of Frannie , if it's a boy I thought of Oliver… you got any ideas?" the blonde said as she stood up.

"No,Frannie or Oliver are fine baby." She answered and kissed her again. This time a more passionate kiss, they didn't break apart till their lungs begged for air. They could see some people staring at them. People who apparently didn't support the lesbian idea.

"Don't mind them." Amanda said and placed another kiss on her lips just to show them she didn't care.. "I'm gonna visit the bathroom and be right back." She added.

"Oh Amanda before I forget it… Zara wants to come stay with us tonight, is it okay with you?"

"Sure" She answered and disappeared…

* * *

It was past nine, Amanda and Zara were already n the apartment trying to choose a movie to watch, while Olivia was still in the precinct.

"What about finding Nemo Amanda, you have this one?" She asked.

"Yes honey, it's Olivia's favorite, I'm gonna put it after you have a bath. That, I promised your daddy" She told her.

"Okay but only If you stay in with me." The little girl said.

Amanda agreed. She didn't expect herself to be so excited about Zara staying there. It was actually the first time she'd spend the night with a child in her house.

She prepared the water so as not to be too hot, nor too cold and waited for Zara to get in before coming in the bathroom herself. She left her clean pajamas and clean underwear on the counter, and brought her then took a stook and sat there with her, watching her playing with them.

"You want me to help you wash your hair?" She suggested when she noticed time passing, and Zara making no efford to get out of the bathtub. The little girl nodded.

"Yeah, mommy used to do that but she says I'm old enough to do that on my own now." She complained. Amanda chuckled.

"Well she's right, but it's your first night here so I'm gonna do this little favor to you." She answered. She took the shampoo and put a small amount of it n her hands. She put it on Zara's head and gently massaged her head, making sure the shampoo was all over it.

Zara thought it'd be funny if she'd spill water all over Amanda and that's how the water-war began. Soon water was all over the bathroom floor, walls and furniture.

After getting herself all wet, Amanda helped the girl get into her pajamas and dryed her hair after brushing it.

"Now you look great and clean" She told her and kissed her cheek. Zara kissed her back.

"You are a good mommy Amanda" She said. Amanda blushed with what Zara had just told her. Before she had time to react Zara had placed her ear on her tummy trying to listen to the small noises the baby was making. No later than that, Olivia walked in and saw that incredible scene.

"What are you girls doing there" She said as she approached them. She grabbed Zara in her arms and kissed her as she did with Amanda's lips.

"Livvy, Amanda washed my hair and , and brushed it and dried it and got me dressed in my favorite pajamas!" She said excited.

"Aww, did she" Olivia answered and smiled at the excited girl. "And I brought us some pizza." She added.

Soon the three of them were curled up on the couch watching finding Nemo and eating pizza. Olivia was the only one who watched the entire movie though, as Zara and Amanda had fallen asleep in each others' arms. Olivia brought a blanket and covered them, not wanting to wake them up and destroy this beautiful image.

"I love you."She whispered in Amanda's ear as she went back in their bedroom, filled with happiness and love for that blonde woman who was sleeping in that living room couch.


	10. Chapter 10

**Here's next chapter cause I don't know when I'll update again probably after 3+ days. DONT BE LAZY TO REVIEW GUYS :D makes me happy during my miserable exam period :3 Enjoy!**

"Olivia, Olivia wake up" She heard Amanda shouting in the middle of the night. It was barely four o clock.

"What is it Ams?" She asked, with her eyes closed and her head burried down her pillow. She felt sto tired, she had a little too much wine last night. She could barely hear to what Amanda was saying.

"Olivia for God's sake wake up!" She screamed. She took the pillow away from her head and looked at the blonde who looked terrified. "Look" she added. Olivia moved her eyes to the wet matress. She was wide awake now.

"Wow, is this from you honey?" she asked.

Amanda nodded terrified. " I think my waters broke, Olivia." She said, one hand over her belly. She was heavy breathing and was so worried. They both knew they baby shouldn't be here until after two weeks.

"Okay honey don't panic come on I'll take you to the hospital" Olivia said and jumped out of the covers. She put some clothes on and helped Amanda stand. The moment she was on her feet she felt her first contraction.

"Aaah, damn…." She screamed in pain.

Olivia helped her girlfriend to the car and drove the fastest she could. She could hear Amanda holding back some moans so she wouldn't know she was in pain. They were almost at the hospital when Olivia noticed blood between Amanda's legs. Amanda had her eyes closed and was consantly biting her lips so as to hold back her screams. She was in enough pain already, she didn't need to know that.

She parked the car outside the hospital and took her in her arms as she rushed in. A nurse saw them and called the doctor immediately. A few moments later they had taken Amanda in the delivery room and Olivia was siting alone in the waiting room. She had messaged Nick, Fin, Cragen and Munch and also her brother letting them know of what had happened.

By the time they arrived Olivia was already there for an hour and a half. They could see how worried she was.

"Olivia" Cragen called her name as he rushed to her followed by the others. "How is she…"

She could barely talk. She opened her mouth and mouthed a few words.

"Don't know…" She said, holding back her tears. She was too worried. " No one has come out yet. She was bleeding when we arrived" She informed them as her voice broke. She took a deep breath trying to relax and stay focus. Her brother pulled her in a sweet, consoling hug.

"It's okay Liv, she'll be alright, come on breath." He said.

A few more minutes slowly passed before the doctor came. He didn't seem happy or sad, worried or satisfied. No one knew what he was gonna tell them.

"Family of Amanda Rollins?" He asked. Olivia stood up, her hand held in Simon's one.

"I am."

"You're her sister?" he asked. He was expecting more of the father of the baby or something.

"No I am Olivia Benson… her… her girlfriend." She calmly said.

"In that case Miss Benson I'm gonna need to ask you. Your girlfriend's having a hard time deliverying the baby. It's coming with the legs and we really don't know if we can save them both. We need to ask you… whoose life do you want us to give priority to?"

Olivia felt her legs giving up on her as the words escaped the doctor's mouth. Simon put his hand on her back to make sure she wouldn't colapse. She needed no time to. She let a tear escape and run down her cheek.

"Amanda…" she whispered… "Save Amanda, please"

She saw the doctor disappear back in the room where Amanda was. She felt her heart skipping a beat n the thought of losing her. She burried her head on Simon's neck and let her tears fall like a waterfall. Everybody was there, holding her hands, stroking the back of her head, and silently praying for both their friends. They've been through so much, they didn't deserve this.

As time was passing everybody got more impatient, more worried, more scared. Olivia was half-sleeping in Simon's arms. Meanwhile Nick had brought everybody coffee so they could stay awake. It was now nine in the morning. Five hours had already passed since Olivia had brought Amanda in. Soon they had to go back to the precinct. They told Olivia to let them know if she needed anything or if she had any news and went back to the precinct. Simon asked for a day off from his job though, for family emergency and stayed with her.

About half past nine they saw the doctor coming to them. They both stood up. Olivia was holding her breath, emotionally unprepared to hear any bad news.

"Miss Benson it took a lot of efford and time, and I'm so sorry that you had to wait so long but both your girlfriend and your son are fine now." He said. Olivia couldn't help but smile so brightly… she never felt any happier in her life. She jumped on Simon's arms once again before thanking the doctor.

"You can see her, she drugged though so not for a long time but she keeps asking for you. Follow me." He continued.

"Go!" Simon said and gently pushed her to follow the doctor.

* * *

She got in the room to see her lying on the hospital bed. She was so pale and seemed really week. She slowly walked near her and kissed her hand as she carresed her cheek.

"Hey babe." She said. Amanda blinked. It took her a while to talk but she managed to say a Hey back to her.

"It's okay, you don't have to talk. You scared the hell out of me Ams, don't ever do this to me again okay?" She said and tangled her fingers in hers.

"…The baby?" Amanda whispered. Olivia could barely make out what she was saying.

"Aw he's fine. I'm gonna go see him in a while. You can sleep now okay baby? I'll check on you later today."

Before she had the chance to finish her sentence Amanda had fallen asleep. Olivia went over to where they were keeping the babies and watched her son through the glass. His tiny little hands, his tiny body and his beautiful blue eyes. His little mouth and the few blonde hairs he had were just likeAmanda's, he was so adorable, so perfect.

After the doctor told her that they could take him home as soon as he could breath on his own and gain weight normaly, due to his soon arrival, she messaged all her friends and co-workers letting them know.

She went back home and took a shower, ate and took a small nap before returning back to the hospital to be by Amanda's side.

* * *

A few days later Amanda was released from the hospital. No sooner than two weeks after his birth did Amanda and Olivia bring Oliver home.

During that time they set up him room and got prepared for the new family member. Olivia had still to go to work though.. She didn't want to take any time off, she needed the money to provide the best things to her family. Amanda wasn't going back to work till at least a month later. And if she wanted to she could just quit and stay home with their child.

She was now nursing him. His tiny hand wrapped around her finger and his shiny, ocean blue eyes were closed as he was sucking her, making small sounds with his mouth. They had brought him home two days ago and she just couldn't bare being away from him for more than ten minutes.

They were alone in the apartment as Olivia was at work. She made sure he burped after he was done nursing before bringing the covers over them and let sleep take her with little Oliver in his arms. She wasn't afraid to sleep with him on her, in fact he was mostly sleeping on her these past two days.

She was overjoyed to have him in her life.

* * *

Olivia was lazily sitting on her desk making paper balls and throwing them at Nick. She couldn't wait to get out of there so she could be home with her family.

"So how's life with the little guy?" Nick asked her after tossing back the paper ball.

"It's awesome, I mean he's been home for two days and I already feel like I'm getting the second place in Amanda's heart." She chuckled. "He's keeping her up all night though."

"Well that's what babies do. Eat, sleep and cry. But enjoy the moment Liv, they grow up too fast!"

Their conversation was soon cut off when Cragen walked in with another case.

" Teenager found three blocks from here, she's seventeen been missing since she was thirteen. She nearly attacked the male officer who found her, and she refuses to go at any hospital with a man by her side, so… Liv can you go?"

Olivia sighted, she was hoping more of going home in a few minutes but her job was asking for her again. So she just nodded and rushed out of the building.

Showing her badge to the officer who was there she got close to the girl. She knelt in front of her and asked her with a friendly, soft tone.

" Hey honey, I'm Olivia. I'm with the police. Can you tell me your name?" The girl haltingly opened her mouth and answered to Olivia's question.

"N- Natalie" she stuttered.

"Okay Natalie, I need you to come with me to the hospital so they can check you and I'll let your parents know and they'll come there to find us how does that sound?" She said and gave her her hand.

She nodded and slowly caught Olivia's hand and followed her in her car.

An hour later her parents had arrived and Olivia had to tell them what had happened to their child. She had managed to get her to tell her some stuff, but she was hard to speak. It wasn't easy for her, and it never got any easier no matter how many times she got to tell the victims' parents what had happened.

She told them everything Natalie had told her. That a man named Henry abducted her a few years back when she was playing in the park. That he took her to a basement and kept her there with two other girls for four years and that he had a calendar so he'd know which one he had to rape that day. How he beat one of them to death, while she had come really close a few times. How he'd let them starve to death, for weeks and stab them and let them bleed when they tried to escape. How after a few times the three of them just stopped trying. And how she managed to escape, when he tried to get rid of the other girl's body and he left the door open.

"Mr and Mrs Harrison, I know what I've just told you is not easy to deal with, but I'm gonna need Natalie to testify to a grand jury after we arrest the man who did this to her."

"No!" Natalie's father shouted. He was out of his mind. His wife tried to calm him but just kept yelling no.

"Mr Harrison please…" Olivia tried once more. Then it was Mrs Harrison's time to speak.

"Are you a parent dear?" She asked. Olivia nodded, as the older lady continued. "Then you know well enough that you wouldn't put your child through that. Find another way to catch him."

That was her last word. Olivia left the hospital pretty confused. Confused of what was the right think to do, but she guessed "The right think to do" doesn't exist, when it comes to a parent and his child.


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey guys! your reviews were great once more :) Thanks! So about this chapter, don't hate me. I have a plan in my head. and remember AFTER RAIN COMES THE RAINBOW. So you just have to bare with me again xD Sorry for that guys 3 PLEASE review :) makes me happy and lets me know that you want me to continue :)**

**Enjoy it :)**

She was home about an hour later. Still confused with what to do with this case. If she should try and convince them and Natalie to testify, or find another way to nail the son of a bitch. She had a little time to think about it though as they hadn't find him yet. He wasn't home nor at him work.

She dropped her purse and her keys on the living room table, only to notice that Amanda with Oliver were there, asleep n the couch. Moments later she heard his small cries getting into longer ones. She took him from Amanda's chest to brought him near hers. Amanda automaticly opened her eyes.

"It's okay baby, it's me I got him" Olivia ressured her as she held her son closer to her body.

"Oh Liv. You scared me." She breathed. Olivia kissed her cheek.

"If you're not planning on catching more wings I'm gonna change his diaper and be with you." Amanda nodded and watched as her girlfriend disappeared in the next room.

* * *

Olivia put him on his changing table, cleaned him and put on his new clean diaper. She was talking to him while she was doing that. Whispering how much she loved him and how glad she was that he came in her life. How much she loved his other mommy and how much they both loved him. His tiny hands were moving around and wrapped her index finger. She brought his hand n her mouth and kissed it with love. She took him in her arms again and sung him a lullaby before putting him in his cradle that was in their room till he was a few months older. She heard footsteps behind her and felt a hand on her shoulder as she placed him in.

Amanda brought her lips on her neck and licked the bare flesh.

"How was your day?" She asked. She didn't really need an answer. She could tell when Olivia was sad, when she was thinking about something when she was confused or happy. Olivia faked her a smile.

" I'm not sure if I can handle this case. I mean I know I've had worse cases before but, I think Oliver's arrival makes me think in a different way." She whispered. Amanda took her hand and lead her to their bed.

"It's normal baby." She told her before meeting their lips for a sweet, passionated kiss. " I'm here now" she added and forced her tongue in her mouth once more. For a few minutes all you could hear was the sound of their kiss Amanda didn't wait too long. She started undressing Olivia as the brunette did the same thing to her girlfriend. Clothes were tossed on the floor when Amanda fell back on the bed, bringing Olivia on top of her.

"I want you Liv." She whispered in her ear and kissed ear earlobe. She knew this was turning on Olivia for good.

"Make love to me" She desperately begged her. She hadn't felt her girlfriend for the past few months since after she got in the last tremester of her pregnancy. Olivia lost no she licked and kissed her way from Amanda's lips to her breasts. She grabbed them in her hands and massaged them. She made small circles around her nipples with her tongue while lowering her hand n Amanda's private parts. She caressed her inner thights and gasped when she realised how wet her girlfriend was.

"Aw, Liv I want you." She whispered, not wanting to wake up her son. Olivia dropped her head between her legs and licked her vagina tasting her after a long time.

"God, damn" She said a little louder now as she couldn't fully control herself. She pushed Olivia's head deeper n her as Olivia caught her clit in her mouth and gently sucked it. She could feel Amanda's warmth on her face.

Amanda made one last try and begged her girlfriend. "God Please Olivia!"

Olivia knew she wouldn't hold on for a long more and pushed two fingers inside her girlfriend. She started moving them fast. She saw Amanda wrapping her hands tightly n the matress as her pelvis moved up. Her inner thights clenced around Olivia's fingers but she wouldn't stop moving fast in her.

"Come for me Ams" she told her. Amanda let out a rather loud scream as she reached her climax, before she let herself relax again.

She brought Olivia's face near hers and captured her lips in a wet kiss.

"That was awesome." She whispered and pushed a finger inside her without any warming.

"Let me take care of you now"….

* * *

"Ams, are you sleeping?" She asked in the middle of the night not sure if she had said this out loud. Amanda's head was placed on her chest as their two bodies were so close to each other. Olivia had her hand protectively wrapped around Amanda all night, as she caressed her soft skin.

"No Liv, you okay?" She answered a few seconds later. Olivia sighed. Of course she wasn't okay.

"I don't know." She murmured. There was silence for a while before she decided to speak again. " I've been thinking about the new case I got today you know. Barba messaged me earlier, he said he wants to subpoena Natalie. And I know I'm not supposed to talk about work at home but… I really don't know if that's the right way to get her to testify."

Amanda pushed her tireness away and stood up, now sitting on the bed looking straight to Olivia's eyes, with the sheet around her bare body.

"Honey listen to me. You can talk about work and anything that disturbs you with me okay? I know how much you love your job, but I also know you ain't going anywhere so you can talk about it. And to be honest, I wouldn't know what's the right thing to do if I was you either. But baby, just take some rest tonight okay?"

Olivia smiled and how sweet and kind Amanda was. She wishpered an Okay to her and pushed her back n ext to her.

"I love you" she wishpered before letting sleep come over them both

* * *

Two days had past since Olivia and Nick got this case and they couldn't find Henry anywhere, not his place not his work. It did come up though, that he had a record and his picture was all over the place. That third day, a wintess called the precinct and told them he saw the man the night before, while he was watching across the street with his telescope, getting in a house around the corner.

The detectives lost no time. They were already there. Nick pushed the door open as he and Olivia rushed in first with a dozen of other men following them. Olivia seemed disappointed as they explored each room and no one was there.

There was a locked door downstairs, but soon it wasn't locked anymore. They were surprised to see a huge room with children toys both male and female , and a bed. She didn't even want to think what this bed was for.

"But Natalie told me they were three girls, and lived in a dirty basement, that's not like it at all" She said.

"Maybe he kept her somewhere else." Nick replied. She heared another police man calling her name and passing her a camera. "It was on the bed" he said.

Olivia, with Nick by her side turned on the camera. There was on video. She pushed the play button. As the video began they saw Henry's face on it talking:

_"Hello detectives. You got a little late here but it's oka.y You tried._ _Maybe one day you'll catch me. Oh by the way, is detective Benson there? If she's not let her know I said hi. And that she has a beautiful girlfriend, she looks so young, so hot. And her son. Mmm he's even better. So tiny and precious. Isn't that right detective Benson?But I think you leave them alone too often..You should be more careful…"_

With that words of his the video ended. With that words Olivia was even more sure that she had to get the bastard soon.

"How the hell did he know that we are coming" She shouted and almost dropped the camera on the floor. If Nick hadn't catch it, it'd be a million pieces now.

"Liv, he knows about your family. That's not a joke. Go home and I'll let Cragen know . I promise I'll call you the moment we have something new okay?"

Her partner was right. In fact he scared her. She wasn't sure about her family's safety anymore. Not that Amanda wasn't capable of defending herself but when it came to their son, she knew she'd do anything, even put herself in danger to protect him.

"Thanks Nick." She murmured and ran out.

She called Amanda's cell on her way home but she didn't answer. She called again and again but there was no answer.

"Damn it Amanda pick it up." She shouted while driving as fast as she could.

She jumped out of her car the moment she arrived at her destination. She ran in the building, directly to her apartment. The door was half open. She pulled her gun and slowly walked in. She so no one, but the entire house was a mess. She checked all the rooms shouting Amanda's name, desperate to hear an answer or a baby cry.

She fell on the floor , crying hysterically. She called Nick.

"They're gone, Nick. He took them." She cried. She heard Nick talking to Cragen and shouting before answering back to her.

"It's okay Liv we'll find them okay? We will. I'm coming to get you honey. Stay there."

She stepped out of the apartment and wiped her tears away as anger took place. Just before exiting the building her next-door neighbor, and old lady called her name. Olivia was glad to see her holding Oliver in her hands.

"Olivia darling, Amanda left him to me when she went running in the morning, but she's not back yet. Is everything okay?" she asked.

Olivia, reliefed n some way that her son was ther took him in her arms and held him tightly. He was peacefully sleeping in his light green cloth. Olivia didn't like green, but it Amanda was literally begging her to buy that cloth, saying it was a perfect match for their perfect son. She brought her thoughts back n reality.

"No, Mrs Thomson she's not. She's missing but uh, thanks for keeping my son safe." She said and automaticly hugged the elder lady. Maybe she didn't know it, but if she hadn't kept Oliver with her that morning, he would be in that pedophile's hands too by now…

* * *

She slowly opened her eyes and saw an unfamiliar place. She couldn't remember how she got there. Her memory stopped n earlier that morning. When she was running n the park… then a man came and asked her the time. And that was it. She couldn't remember anything else. Her head was hurting her. She looked around to see nothing. The room was completely empty, except a dirty matress n the middle of it. Her hands were tight but she moved to the door and tried to open it without any results. It was locked.

She heard footsteps coming to her… Afraid to face the person who was coming, and even more the purpose that he was coming for…

**Author's note: Amanda is NOT gonna get raped. I respect her too much to do that. Stay calm guys Love ya 3**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey guys :) Thanks for staying with me, for reading my story for reviewing and everything :) My exam didn't go well today and when I came home i saw your reviews guys and u kinda cheered me up. SO thanks :) Please don't forget to review :)**

**Enjoy!**

"We got her! We got her!" She heard Fin shouting. She had fallen asleep between the long waiting. Oliver wasn't in her arms anymore. She looked around and saw him sleeping in Cragens arms. She heard Fin's voice again.

"We got Natalie!" She stood up and stopped him.

"Fin, what do you mean,why, wha…" She said.

Fin explained. "She's the one who told Henry we were coming, She's the one who told him about you and he knows where he's keeping Amanda. She won't tell though."

Olivia was shocked by what he had just told her. "But she's a vic.." He cut her off again.

"she WAS a victim Liv, she's not anymore, she's in love with that creep. I'm gonna interogate her right now." He reassured her.

"I'm coming with you."

"No, Liv you aren't." Cragen stepped n their conversation. "You can't, this case is about your family. You can't question her. Let Fin and Nick do that. Stay with your son." He uttured. Olivia sighed as she took Oliver from him. He also passed her a baby-bottle.

"I tried to feed him with that but he's not liking it that much, probably because Amanda's breast-feeding him and he's not used to that made crap. Try it maybe you'll have more luck."

She took the bottle in her hands and decided to concantrate on what she chould do right now, take care of her son.

* * *

"Hello Amanda" he said with his deep, dirty voice. He walked a few times around the room before kneeling in front of her. "I said hey!" he shouted and slapped her across the face.

"Don't touch me" She yelled. His laugh was the response.

"What if I do huh? What will you do?" He said and caught her breast with his hand, showing her that he could do anything he wanted. She tried to fight back but she ended up punched again.

"Look what you made me do to your beautiful face now!" He yelled but soon returned to his calm tone. "So Amanda… I looked for your son at your apartment, but I couldn't find him…"

"You touch my son and you'll be sorry for the rest of your life." She screamed n his face.

He laughed again for a few minutes. But suddenly his smile disappeared and his hand was wrapped around her neck choking her

"You need to understand, blondy that you are not in any position to threaten me." He whispered in her ear. He forced his tongue in her mouth in a rough kiss.

"Well, people older than fifteen years old are not my type, but I'll make an exception for you…" He said before kissing her again, his hand still around her neck. She could barely breathe. Her lungs were desperately asking for air. He released his hand from around her neck just in time for her to breath. She crashed her head on his making him fell on the floor. This made him even angrier.

"You bitch!" she shouted and hit her hard n her stomach. Amanda let out a loud moan as his hand touched her skin. She tried to catch her breath but he felt another hit, and another and one more.

He brought his face inches apart from hers and looked directly in her beautiful eyes with his creepy ones.

Amanda wasn't just going to accept everything he wanted to do to her. Her legs were still free, so she made another effort to get rid of him. She kicked him hard n his balls. Tossing him n the other side of the room. He quickly stood up and started hitting her with all his anger but she didn't stop fighting back. Using her legs and as much of her hands as she could she defended herself the best way she could.

He grabbed her face and hit it across the wall causing her to fall down. She didn't have the power to stand up, not at that moment.

"I told you… you can't do whatever you want blondy." He whispered in her ear as he made his way out of the room.

* * *

Two hours had passed and Natalie had said no word. She couldn't handle it anymore. She forced herself in the interrogation room not caring of what Cragen had told her. She had given Oliver to Nick who was waiting outside the interrogation room.

"START TALKING" She screamed at the teenage girl.

"No, I'm not telling you where he is. I promised him I won't."

"You promised him? He is your rapist for God's sake!" She was getting impatient already. The thought of Amanda being in danger was eating her alive.

"He loves me!"

"NO HE DOESN'T!" She screamed. "That's not love. He's using you! Do you know what love is Natalie? Love is what I feel for my girlfriend. Do you know how much it's killing me to know that HE has her and he can do whatever he wants with her? I can't even think that I won't see her again cause she's my everything! I betrayed her once, I left her alone, but I'm not doing the same mistake twice. I'm gonna find her even if I have to give my life for her. Now THAT'S love!"

Natalie had started crying hard by Olivia's shouts. She was breaking. Olivia's plan was working. She had just one last card to put on the table. She opened the door and asked Nick to give her Oliver as she stepped in again, calmer.

"You see him? That's her son. He's barely a month old. But he's been crying non-stop since Amanda's been missing. He's so used to her appearance. And if you don't tell me where Henry is, he's gonna have to grow up without his mother for the rest of his life. Do you want that?"

Olivia watched as Natalie took the pen and the paper that was in front of her and wrote down an address.

"Thank you." She whispered and ran out of the room, knowing that Amanda was running out of time.

* * *

She opened her eyes again only to see that she was still at that room. She kinda hoped it was just a bad dream but the pain n her stomach and head told her it wasn't. Her hands weren't tight anymore and there was a piece of bread in front of her with a half filled glass of water. She refused to eat any of it though.

She heard footsteps again, as she tried to stand up, ignoring the pain. She had prepared herself to fight hard but when the door opened she was glad to see a familiar, loved face.

"Olivia." She shouted and the brunette rand to her.

"Hey baby you okay? Did he touch you?" She asked. Amanda kissed her and smiled.

"No he..I'm fine Liv I'm okay. Where's Oliver, Where's Henry?"

"Both at the precinct, we're gonna go find our son after I get you to a hospital okay?"

She didn't even try to fight it back. She knew how selfish Olivia could be so she just followed her.

* * *

The doctor decided to keep Amanda overnight in case of a concussion due to the hard hit on her head. Other than that she had nothing but a few bruises n her stomach. Olivia went to see her first thing in the morning and take her home, bringing baby Oliver with her.

She gently knocked on her room's door to let her know they were there. She had already got dressed ready to leave the hospital.

"He missed you." She said passing her the baby. Amanda smiled as she planted a kiss on his forehead.

"I missed you both." She answered. Olivia planted a sweet kiss on her lips.

"I really thought I was gonna lose you. Never see you again I just… If he touched you I swear to God…"

"Liv, I'm fine… I'm here okay? Let's get out of here" She said. She knew he hadn't raped her but she knew Olivia would rip his head off even if she knew about him touching her, so she thought it'd be better if she'd keep it a secret.

They were about to finally leave the hospital room but Olivia stopped her again.

"Amanda… I know that's neither the place nor the time… but if not now then when…"

Amanda looked at her confused. What was that supposed to mean? She didn't speak and let her finish. She watched her as she put her hand on her pocket and took it out with something hidden in it. She opened the little box in front of the blonde woman, looking at her with so much love in her eyes.

"I don't wanna risk losing you again. So what do you say? Wanna marry me?"


	13. Chapter 13

**HEY GUYS! Thank you once more for your wonderful reviews 3 Love you guys seriously! Unfortunately this story will soon end in 1-2 chapters. I will probably make a sequel during the summer. but maybe i ll come up with another story too ;) Anyways here is the next chapter! PLEASE dont forget to REVIEW! **

**Enjoy ;)**

A few minutes had passed and Amanda wouldn't answer. She was just looking speechless at the ring and the person who was proposing to her. She totally knew what to answer but she didn't know if she was ready. Olivia had started getting nervous when Amanda wouldn't' answer. But the blonde decided soon enough to take her out of that misery.

"If you only knew how much I'd love that" She finally answered, causing Olivia to smile brightly. She put the ring on her finger and wrapped her arms around her. She felt Amanda shiver and jump a little at her touch.

"You okay?" She asked, worried of why she reacted like that. Did this have something to do with what Henry did to her? "Amada what did he…"

"Olivia, please stop, just stop okay? I'm fine, don't ruin this moment please!" She begged. Olivia nodded. She wasn't going to forget about this, but she wasn't going to destroy this moment.

"Well what do you say when I'm done from work we can leave Oliver with Mrs Thomson and we can go celebrate this/"

"Uh, actually I'd prefer not. I'm really tired and no so much in the mood so what'd you say you grab some whine on your way back and we can celebrate this at home"

"Whatever you want baby"

* * *

"You going away for life you scum!" Nick shouted at him. Yes, he and Olivia were in the interrogation room with Henry. They had enough evidence to get him to court for abduction and multiple counts of child molestation but there was still a little girl missing and they had to know where he had her.

"Tell us Henry. Where's Sonya?" She asked trying to remain calm. Cragen had let her interrogate the guy but he had warned her, she had to be calm cause she could jeopardize their case f she wouldn't.

"You know what, Detective Benson." He said emphasizing on her name. "I'll tell you where Sonya is if you tell me how good is your blonde girlfriend on bed…. I didn't get the chance to satisfy my wild imagination with that whore…"

Before he had the chance to finish his sentence Olivia had him pushed against the wall. She hit her fist inches away from his face, on the wall.

"You ever talk like that about her again and I'll have your balls ripped off of you . You understand that?"

He continued his laugh, making Olivia only angrier.

"Hahaha, did I hit a nerve detective?" He paused and stared in her eyes as he spoke again, slowly with an ironic tone. "Did she tell you how I felt on her? How I touched her? Little bitch put up a fight. She shouldn't have. She didn't even let me get inside of her. I bet she was wet, waiting for me. So if she calls you Henry while you two are having sex tonight.., please don't get mad at her…Olivia!"

Just a few inches before her hand connected with his face Cragen jumped in and stopped her. She tried to escape from his hands but he whispered something in her ear that kind of calmed her down. She now had the victory smirk on his face.

"Goodbye Henry!" She whispered to him and disappeared from the room. Cragen had told her that they found Sonya, and she was glad to know that there was no way this bastard could escape.

* * *

After taking little Sonya to the hospital, taking her statement and returning her to her family Olivia thought she'd take a nap n the cribs as she had about an hour left before going home. Not much later than her did Nick join the cribs too. He sat at the edge of her bed and stared at her. She noticed, and she knew that he knew something was on her mind.

"Wanna talk?" He calmly said.

"No, Yes… I don't know." She uttered.

He came closer to her and hugged her. "What's wrong Liv? I'm your partner I can listen to whatever you have to say. I'm here for you."

She sighted. "I proposed to Amanda today….and she accepted." She said and paused.

"Liv that's awesome! Congratulations! Don't tell me you are like that because you are anxious or something…"

Olivia didn't answer him. She looked at him and continued. "I leaned on and hugged her. The moment my skin touched hers she jumped…Nick she jumped. And I know this bastard didn't rape her but whatever he did to her…I don't think she can handle it."

"No Liv, listen to me. Amanda is one of the strongest women I know. She's not gonna let this control her okay? Just give her some time. That's all she needs…and you by her side and she'll be great. I promise"

She stood up and grabbed her purse. They got in a hug once more before they both left the room.

"Thank you Nick."

* * *

She entered the apartment with a bottle of champagne n her hand. She could hear the TV from the living room, and felt relieved that Amanda wasn't sleeping. She dropped her keys and purse and moved n the next room.

"Hey babe" the blonde said the moment she saw Olivia approaching. Olivia noticed she was holding a photo album.

"Hey Ams.. How are you baby?"

Amanda pulled Olivia by her arm and made her sit on the couch.

"Olivia I was thinking… I wanna come back to SVU. I know that Oliver is still too young and he needs his mother and blah blah… and I don't wanna sound selfish but… I really can't do this. I really can't stay all day in an apartment no matter how much I love him…and…"

"Shhh… Amanda… relax baby. It's okay… I get it alright? You can come with me tomorrow morning in the precinct and talk with Cragen. We'll find a nanny for Oliver." She paused for a while. "But Ams, I want you to be honest to me about this. You wanna come back cause you feel useless or something?"

Amanda tried to look at her eyes but failed. She looked in the ground as she spoke to her.

"I don't know Liv. The truth is.. I don't really feel like before. I want to feel like before! I wanna feel strong I wanna feel like Im actually doing something!"

"You crazy blonde you ar e doing something. You're raising our son! And you are strong and usefull and perfect okay? Never forget that. Now you wake up with me tomorrow and go talk to Cragen."

The two women smiled at each other. Olivia placed a kiss on Amanda's lips. She felt extremely relaxed when Amanda let her deepen the kiss. They were kissing for a few minutes… She slowly moved her hand on Amanda's chest and that's when She freaked out.

"Don't… Don't please." She said pulling away from the kiss. Olivia stopped immediately and looked at the blonde.

"It's okay Ams, I'm sorry. Come here babe" She said and tried to hug her, but Amanda was already off the couch on her feet.

"Damn, I'm sorry Liv. How can I be so weak. I'm sorry" She whispered, obviously disappointed with herself.

"I'll take the couch tonight." She added, leaving Olivia speechless. She couldn't even bare to be in the same bed? She saw Amanda making her way in the bedroom taking some covers and a pillow and returning back in the living room. She kissed Olivia again before closinge her eyes.

"I love you Liv." She whispered.

* * *

Next morning she and Olivia woke up together, and the three of them went to the precinct. Amanda was silent all morning. When she fed Oliver, when she ate breakfast, even n the riding to the precinct. She wouldn't say a word.

When they arrived at the building the two women knocked on Cragen's office door. He called them in but Amanda stopped Olivia before entering.

"Can you wait here Liv?" Olivia nodded, surprised why wouldn't Amanda want her in with her.

The blonde slowly walked in, with baby Oliver, sleeping in the baby sling around her neck.

"Hey Cap." She gestured.

"Amanda, what a surprise. How are you doing?"

She made herself comfortable by sitting as he sat back down too.

"I uh… I'm trying..my best." She uttered.

"I'm glad you are. So how can I help you?" He asked his former detective.

"I… I'd love to come back to work Captain. If that's possible. The sooner the better." She answered.

"Amanda if this has anything to do with Henry and your opinion about yourself…"

"Captain don't get all Olivia on me. Please." She cut him off. "I just want to come back to work."

He nodded. "I'll see what I can do and have Olivia tell you"

She nodded and made her way out of his office stopped by his voice, just before she had the chance to open the door.

"And Amada….he's beautiful" He added.

She faked him a smile, and left staring at her young son. The truth was she was scared. Scared that she wasn't strong enough to move on.

But Amanda Rollins is strong enough…right?!

**Tell me what you believe about this story's end.. About Amanda being or not being able to get through this.. I love your opinion guys :)**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey guys! Here's the new chapter. Sorry for keeping you waiting. Next chapter will be the last one, but as I've said maybe i ll make a sequel during summer if you want that let me know! Please dont forget to REVIEW!**

**Love you guys! Enjoy**

Two weeks later…

She was now outside. She had actually gone shopping for hers and Olivia's wedding. She had everything settled and done the past two weeks and now she had gone shopping to buy the dress she was going to wear, since Cragen had told her to go back to work in two days.

"You look perfect, white is really your color" He told her amazed by how beautiful she looked in that dress. Yeah it was true; she had taken Fin with her. She trusted him and since she had no one else to come with her she took her lovely partner.

She gave him a smile and looked back n the mirror. Her body was covered with a white backless, brief dress. Its clingy style showing her perfect body and the deep décolleté making her look even sexier. She didn't feel that way though.

"I don't know Fin. I don't feel so comfortable in this. I mean look at it! My breasts are too uncovered!"

"No they are not Amanda you look just great girl!" He reassured her. She didn't look convinced.

"It is beautiful I know but, it's for younger and thinner woman not for me…" she repeated.

"Amanda you serious? How much younger? Kindergarten kids? And thinner? Really? Thinner than you? After you comes anorexia Amanda…"

She sighted…" I really don't know…"

"I do! We are gonna buy this!" he said to the clerk who was helping them and turned back to Amanda. "I'm betting my gun and shield that half of your guests will want to be at Olivia's place!"

* * *

He drove her home and made sure she was there, safe before returning back to work. Cragen had given him just a few hours off not the entire day. She stopped and rang the bell from Mrs Thomson's apartment before entering hers. Mrs Thomson had offered to babysit Oliver while Amanda and Olivia were at work. She was a sixty five year old granny who had no kids and therefore no grandkids although she loved them. She was raped when she was younger and that's why she admired Olivia's and Amanda's job so much.

"Hey Mrs Thomson thanks for keeping him. Was he quite?"

The older lady passed sleeping Oliver back to his mother. "Oh he was a perfect little boy" he answered. "And don't thank me. You can bring him to me anytime dear."

Amanda gave her a smile before leaving and getting in her own apartment. She was surprised to find Olivia in. She placed Oliver in his crib and returned back to her.

"You're really early today… you okay?" She told her kissing her on the cheek.

Since the whole Henry thing had happened Olivia was barely able to kiss her on the lips, not even imagined having sexual contact. This made her sad, not only because of how badly her body wanted hers but because she was about to marry a woman who wasn't even able to touch. She didn't regret proposing to her. She just wished she could help her in some way but every time Olivia would try to talk about this Amanda simply changed the subject.

"Yeah Cragen gave me the day off. He said I was too distracted to work."

"Distracted? Are you coming up with the flu or something Liv?"

Olivia felt even more disappointed with Amanda's question she knew that Amanda knew it wasn't the flu. But she kept pretending she was fine.

"NO Amanda I'm not!" She told her, her voice a little bit louder than usual, with hidden pain n it. "Can you stop pretending that you are fine and sit here and talk with me about what's happening to you?"

Amanda took a few steps back. "Nothing is happening to me Liv I'm fine okay? Don't treat me like a rape victim… Don't make me feel I'm stupid or weak or…."

"For God's sake Amanda! You are not stupid or weak or anything you possibly think you are! Talking about this and getting help doesn't make you weak okay?! You're telling this to so many victims but when it comes to you it's different? I'm worried about you can't you understand that? Whatever he did to you..You can't handle it on your own let me help you!"

She sat on the chair knowing that Olivia was somehow right. She let out a sob, with no tears though.

"That's the thing Liv. He didn't do anything. He didn't rape me he didn't have the time. I was fighting back. He just…. He just touched me you know. And it's not like things haven't happened to me on the job. But it felt different when I was there cause, I didn't know that you were coming, I didn't know how far he'd go…"

Olivia knelt in front of her and held her hands and gently rubbed them with her thumb.

"It's okay honey. I get that I really do. You weren't raped… but this doesn't mean you don't have the right to be traumatized. You were sexually assaulted. And I've been through this n the past. I refused to get help at the beginning, but I had to other choice later. Don't do to yourself what I did to mine. Let me help you Ams… let YOU help yourself. Get some help baby please…"

"No Liv…I don't want help. I'm not a victim okay… I'll be fine just… just let it go…" She said, standing up and moving away once more.

Olivia rested her head on her hands for a while. Why was she so stubborn.

"Amanda… I love you. I really do with all my heart and soul. But stop pushing everyone who wants to help you away. You're not proving to anyone that you are not weak that way. No one believes you are weak. And it's not bad to be damaged. But denying help isn't gonna lead you anywhere. Nor on your job, neither on your family. You stopped breast-feeding Oliver because you can't bare anyone touching you. Not even your six weeks old son. Just… just think about this okay."

And with these words she left Amanda alone, moving to Oliver's room and closing the door behind her. Maybe talking to her like that was the only way to make her understand things were serious.

She opened the door a few moments later with her son n her arms.

"Where are you going?" the blonde ask.

"I'm going out with Oliver. Giving you some time alone." She said moving to the door.

She felt tears feeling her eyes. "Olivia, don't do this to me…Don't leave me"

The brunette stopped by the door. "Amanda, I'm not abandoning you. But I really can't babysit you. You need to think what's better for our family and for yourself. I can't do anything if you don't want me to."

Being alone n the apartment Amanda burst into tears. She just kept screwing things up.

She had to think…and decide… think, and decide…

* * *

"I'm so sorry for coming like that Nick. But it's cold outside and I didn't want Oliver to catch a cold or something…"

"It's okay Liv." He said passing her a hot cup of coffee. "So I assume you finally talked to Amanda and she didn't take it that good huh?"

She nodded. "I've been helping victims for what seems like forever and Nick but when it comes to my own family I can't do anything…"

"Liv, that's not your fault you know that…."

"Well it is somebody's" She complained. "I'm sorry… I keep dragging you into this"

"Olivia, I'm your partner, you are not dragging me into anything without me wanting to."

She smiled and nodded.

"Come, give me Oliver and go take a nap." He added, taking the baby from her hands. He knew how tired she was even if she pretended to be fine. But she didn't reject his offer, because she really needed some sleep. She just whispered thanks before going into his bedroom to catch some wings.

* * *

Her sleep didn't last for long though. Cragen called her and Nick back at the station after catching a perp they were looking for, for two weeks. She had to take Oliver with her because she didn't want to stop by her house and leave him with Amanda just yet. She wanted to give her plenty of time. She let him with Cragen while she and Nick were interrogating the guy.

That didn't last more than an hour though. Cragen had to pull her out after she beat the hell out of the perp.

"What was that for! You are trying to destroy our case?" He shouted at her, really angry.

"I'm trying to get a confession." She shouted back.

"Well you're surely not gonna get one this way, and it's not gonna stand in court! I already gave you the day off so you wont end up doing this! Why are you here? Now you do that again and you get two weeks suspension is that clear?"

She nodded, both of them obviously pissed.

"Whatever you say captain" she added, with a tone Cragen wasn't going to accept.

"Hey Olivia. I'm your Captain you don't talk to me like that. No matter what's going on in your head you still have to do your job right. Now get the hell out of here."

She grabbed her phone and took her son. Not sooner than after she got in her car did she see the message on her phone. It was from Amanda… about an hour ago…

It was from Amanda… about an hour ago…

_"Can you just come home…Please" _She read it. She just hopped Amanda would've done the right thing. She couldn't stand any more drama in one day.

* * *

As soon as she got home she felt Amanda's lips pressed on hers… Her lips… not just a simple kiss. A deep passionate kiss. That was a surprise! And a good sign as well.

"I thought you wouldn't come home." She said after breaking the kiss.

"There was no way I'd leave you alone all night." She answered and kissed her forehead. She put Oliver back to his bed as he was asleep, again. The only thing that didn't seem to be rumor n newborns was that they did sleep a lot.

She grabbed a beer from the fridge and laid on the couch. She wasn't going to talk about this if Amanda didn't want to. But soon the blonde joined her on the couch. They were both on a sitting position against the couch. She saw those ocean blue eyes of hers looking at her with so much love as she waited for her to speak.

"I uh… I talked to Fin. He gave me the number of a shrink who specializes in um… in rape victims. I called her afterwards… She got me an appointment first thing tomorrow." She said causing Olivia to smile brightly. She slowly moved her lips to hers, making sure Amanda wouldn't react like crazy again and put her tongue in her mouth when she saw Amanda allowed it.

"I'm so proud of you baby" She said. "You want me to come with you?"

She shook her head no. "I'll be fine. If you can forgive me Liv…"

"Forgive you for what stupid blonde…Come here!" She said pulling her n a hug.

The rest of the night passed with the two of them falling asleep n the couch, in each others' arms all night.

Amanda was finally feeling safe again… she had a good feeling about this, although she couldn't help but be anxious about it, she knew Olivia would be by her side… and in about a month, they'd swear to each other that they'd be together, till death do them apart.


	15. Chapter 15

**PLEASE READ! Hey guys. here is the last chapter of this fanfiction. I wanna thank you all for supporting me. It really meant a lot to me since I've been a little distracted cause sometimes I feel like I hate myself and that Im useless, and your reviews guys made me think that I was good for a moment or two. Thank you a lot 3**

**Enjoy!**

"So what is it Amanda tell me…" She told her.

"I… I really don't know if I'm ever gonna get better" She uttered.

"What makes you say that?" the other person asked her again.

"I've been coming here for three weeks, and I don't feel like I'm making any difference. I still can't sleep at night, I still can't have a sexual life with my soon to be wife, I still can't control myself…" She complained. She was disappointed and her shrink could say that with just one look.

"Amanda, being so negative isn't going to help you. Healing needs time and much effort. We're gonna try this okay? So tell me how was your week, anything happened you want to talk about?"

Amanda dropped her head n her hands and sighed. Her week wasn't one of her bests, neither was the previous one or the one before that. Sometimes she couldn't stand being at work she just wanted to run away, but she wanted to prove to herself and everyone around her that she could actually do this.

"Well, Olivia, Oliver and I had a nice family time on Tuesday. We took him with us for a long walk. We didn't do something extra special you know. But it was just the three of us spending some family time. That's difficult to happen now that we're both working" She stopped and smiled at that memory.

The doctor smiled too seeing that this was one thing that made Amanda happy even if she wasn't that good. She didn't speak. She let her continue as she saw her smile disappearing.

"Yesterday we uh, we caught a rapist we've been looking for, for 10 days now. We were interrogating him… He um… He recognized me from the news back then when I was abducted. He told me that, and asked me how I was gonna feel if Henry was there right now. I lost it… I started hitting his face so hard that both captain and Olivia had to remove me from the room."

"And that makes you feel weak?"

It took a while for Amanda to answer. The doctor had to bring her back to reality.

"Amanda!"

She moved her eyes and looked at her.

"Yeah it does." She finally answered. She stood up and grabbed her coat and bag. "I have to go…" She said before leaving. No matter her doctor's tries to make her stay she was already out of the building and on the way home in seconds.

* * *

Olivia was home. She was done from work for that day. She was cleaning Oliver when she heard the apartment's door open. She kissed his tiny nose, his soft skin touching hers. His wonderful, big blue eyes looking straight at hers as she took him in her arms and placed him from the changing table to the couch. She put on him some clean clothes and moved to the kitchen, where she assumed Amanda was.

"Hey" She told her and kissed her cheek.

"Hey baby!" She answered back taking Oliver from Olivia. "Hey little man, how are you doing huh!" She played. Soon she passed him back to Olivia moving to the bathroom. "I'm gonna have a bath." She shouted, making sure Olivia heard it as she was already halfway in the room.

She took her clothes off after filling the bathtub with the hot water she loved so much and dropped herself in. She stayed there for a while. She hadn't had such a long bath since when she first found out she was pregnant. When Olivia wasn't there. When she was alone crying, thinking that the only way she'd be fine for her entire life, was if Olivia'd come back. But now, although Olivia was back, although she was the one who saved her a month ago from being raped she couldn't help her find herself back.

The moment she wrapped a towel around her body, she heard a knock at the bathroom's door. Olivia wouldn't come in just like that since the whole Henry thing had happened, she didn't want to make Amanda feel uncomfortable.

After hearing the blonde's invitation she slowly opened the door and walked it. Amanda was sitting on the counter. She slowly walked to her. She took another towel and wiped the water drops that were left on her.

"The appointment didn't go so well huh." She said. Amanda shook her head.

"Not at all."

Olivia pulled her in a hug, stroking the back of her wet hair.

"It's okay baby. At least you are trying. It will get better I promise." She consoled her. Amanda chuckled, like she didn't believe this could ever get better.

"Olivia, all those weeks that I've been acting like crazy… Didn't you feel an urge to have sex with me?"

Olivia's angry expression from calling herself crazy changed into a confused one. This was a weird question to ask.

"Of course I wanted baby. But you are more important to me than my body's desires." She answered.

"I can try if you want Liv…"

"No" Olivia cut her off. "No Amanda you don't have to try for this. I can wait all you want, till you feel comfortable again. I know you too well and I know what's going on in your head right now so I'm telling you, not having sex won't make me change my opinion about our wedding or make me want to break up with you okay?"

She nodded touched by her girlfriend's words. Olivia had been a great support to her, especially those past three weeks, every time she'd come home disappointed from her appointment Olivia would always find something to make her feel better. God she loved that woman with all her heart. She felt her heart filled with love for that woman, and that's when she knew.

She let the towel fall to the floor as she wrapped her legs around Olivia's waist with one quick move. Olivia quickly held her girlfriend's wet body with her hands, as she wasn't expecting something like this to happen. Soon Amanda's lips crushed on Olivia's, causing small moans to appear n the room.

"Amanda, you don't have to…"

Now it was Amanda's turn to cut her off. "Shut up" she told her, pulling her in another wet kiss.

No matter how much Olivia didn't want to force Amanda on this, her body desperately wanted her., and Amanda's bare body pressed against hers wasn't doing any good. She tried hard though to control her moves. She didn't want to cause any more damage to her.

Amanda knew Olivia wasn't going to do anything so as not to hurt her. She herself wasn't sure how much of this she could take, but sooner or later, she had to find herself back. She moved her neck to Olivia's lips making her suck her soft skin, as she whispered in her ear.

"Don't hold yourself back Liv, you need to help me get myself back. I'll stop you if I need to okay?"

Olivia nodded. She sucked her neck hard as if it was the first time the two of them had any sexual contact. She ran her hands on her girlfriend's back. Amanda seemed fine with Olivia kissing and sucking her neck and all the way down to her collar bone.

When her lips touched her breasts she felt Amanda shaking a little bit. She stopped and looked at her. She was looking back at her with those ocean blue eyes that Oliver had too.

"Keep going Liv" She said.

"You sure Ams?" She asked, not sure if she could take this. Amanda nodded and gently pushed Olivia's head back on her breasts. She felt her nipples getting wet with Olivia's mouth around them. She tried hard not to bring the image of Henry back n her head.

After a few minutes, she felt herself relaxing again. She felt Olivia's hands caressing her body and her lips planting wet kissing all over her. She, herself was wet and she bet Olivia was too. She took the brunette's hand and moved it on her vagina, as she kept kissing her body. She leaned on again and whispered in her ear after licking her earlobe.

"I'm ready."…

* * *

"Wake up sunshine, we gotta get ready!" She seductively whispered in her ear.

Amanda moaned as the daylight hit her n the face.

"What are you talking about Liv, it's Sunday" She said with that sleepy voice of hers.

"We have Zara's birthday party sweetie remember? Come on get up!"

Amanda pulled Olivia's hand before she had the chance to leave and brought her n a sweet hug.

"Thank you for yesterday…" She uttered, kissing her lips softly.

Olivia stared at her perfect face and gave her a smile.

"No baby, thank YOU for being so strong"

She tossed the pillow in her face playfully "Now get up!" She said before leaving the room laughing at each other.

She forced herself out of the covers and bed as she slowly moved to her wardrobe trying to find something to wear. She found herself smiling at nobody but herself again, as she realized that she managed to have sex with Olivia without freaking out and screaming. This could actually be a huge step, couldn't it?

She appeared in the living room half an hour later, wearing a black tank top and a pair of white shorts. You could look at her and tell she hasn't been pregnant, as her perfect, fit body wouldn't let you think that.

"Wow" was all Olivia was able to say. Amanda blushed as the brunette wrapped her arms around her waist.

"Am I getting married to this miracle here?" she added. Amanda chuckled.

"Let's go Liv"

* * *

They had been at Zara's party for three hours already. Children were playing around Nick's house; others were watching Dora the explorer n the TV others were playing hide and seek. It was like a small kindergarten, so many kids. Gil who was there with his mum, Cynthia was too old to play with Zara's friend though, so he joined the grown-ups.

"Can I ask you something Mrs Rollins?" Gil who didn't know Amanda that well and couldn't call her by her first name yet, asked.

"Sure dear. And please call me Amanda."

"Don't you mind what people say about you and detective Benson?"

"You mean about the two of us being together and starting a family?"

The boy nodded.

"Dear listen to me. When you love someone you don't care what other's gonna say. You just want to be with him and be happy. People will always judge either you are straight, gay, short, tall, fat… So you just go and live your life the way you want and no the way the others want you to"

She saw the boy's face getting serious. She felt everybody's eyes on her. Fin's, Cynthia's, Nick's, John's and Olivia's. And also the other person's who she didn't know, parents of the other kids there.

"May I ask why you're asking me this?"

"My school teacher asked us to write him what real love is…Thanks" he answered.

Olivia smiled brightly with Amanda's answer as she pushed her chair closer to her and kissing her lips passionately.

"Amanda Amanda!" She heard her name being called from Zara and it was then when Olivia finally broke the kiss. She turned her head toward the girl who was running to her.

"What is it sweetie?"

"Do you wanna come and play monopoly with us?" she asked all excited.

Amanda looked at the sleeping baby n her arms. She shared a look with Olivia and passed her son over to her. But before she had the chance to, he woke up, and started crying.

"Damn" she said.

Zara looked confused for a moment. "Livia can come if you have to stay with the baby" She added.

"Uh actually sweetie, we're gonna need leave now. Cause the baby is getting tired and he needs a bath and sleep. But before we leave we want to give you your present" Olivia spoke on behalf of both of them. She took a small card with a phone written n it and passed it to the girl who looked at her in question.

"You make your daddy call this man, and he's gonna give you a puppy. He has many of them and he wants to give you one and teach you how to take good care of it." She said and stroke her little head.

The girl screamed in happiness and jumped on her daddy's arms shouting happy shouts.

"Thank you, thank you Livvy!" she kept screaming till the two women left.

* * *

The wedding

"Damn Fin! This thing won't fit me I got too fat!" She screamed, holding back her tears.

"Relax Amanda, it does fit you! You haven't even tried it on yet come on girl Olivia is gonna faint if you'll be late"

She took a deep breath so as to calm herself and wore the white dress she had bought a few weeks back. Fin was right-once more- it did fit her. He helped her with the zipper and stepped outside letting Cynthia make her hair. Cynthia was actually one of the very few girls in Amanda's life. She liked her and they've been doing great. So Cynthia offered to make Amanda's hair and makeup at her wedding.

An hour later, Olivia was impatiently waiting for Amanda to arrive so the wedding ceremony'd start. Nick was trying to calm her down but he knew she wasn't going to until Amanda was there. Her son was with her brother, they had him dressed with a very small suit. He seemed so cute and perfect she couldn't take her eyes off of him as she waited for Amanda.

Not much later did she see Fin stepping out of the black car, holding Amanda's hand and guiding her to Liv. The two women looked at each other with love as Fin handed her over at Olivia.

"Take care of my partner" he told her and moved back. The two of them moved at where they were supposed to stay.

Amanda couldn't help but let a couple of tears escape her eyes during the ceremony. She looked around, discreetly a few times, seeing Nick and Fin, Cynthia and Simon with his family and her son, and other people from the precinct. Not many, but good ones. Amanda's parents hadn't appeared at all even though she had sent them an invitation. But she couldn't care less. She was getting married to the woman she loved mostly in her life.

**Hey guys PLEASE review and PLEASE let me know if I should do a sequel later on on this. I'd also appreciate it if you tell me what Ship shall my next fanfic have (Finanda, Rollivia, Bensidy, Bensaro) **

**Love ya xoxo**


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